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Add-on story: Antonio in the 8th Dimension

This is the first of Astraea's add-on stories, created using the WWIVnet Online Story Generator.

The Hero: Antonio
Title: The Eighth Dimension
Theme: Adrift in a world only he can understand...

The house lurched sharply to the left...
but the Senate stayed right where it was! GRIDLOCK! Abandon ship, abandon ship!
The universe tilted sideways and Antonio slid into the record player...
and right down the hole in the middle of the 7" 45rpm record, which just happened to be...
"Pets" by P4P, which was playing over and over in my head like a
stream of water. And as I looked closer, I saw tiny dazzling paisleys in the water.
And they combine in one another.
Cos this is what they are, and here is what they do!
Well, they stay up all night and they sing "Ooh baby BA-by, baby BA-by..."
Can you imagine how much coffee they're drinking?
about as much as andy does, because he's the one who likes to dance to their music. meanwhile...
Antonio was approached by a pair of twgrlfs.
They said, "There's a stupid movie on Channel 23."
Looks great to me, said Antonio. I like Nat King Cole.
Yeah, it's the African Heritage Movie Network!!
I saw twenty million black movies tonight! Happy February!
just wait
until the sun shines, Nellie
Bligh... Yeah that's it, Nellie Bligh...
Mis-ter CHRIS-tian...!
no, i'm not a christian.
I don't believe in flying saucers.
Just as one zoomed low and parted his hair...
screeching raucously, and landed on a nearby fencepost going "churp?"
I wish you'd stop showing that stupid tape. It's '94 for God's sake.
Why are we doing this?
Because it's FUN!!!
Whoop there it is!!!
Don't worry, Atlanta will win this year. Just lose the tomahawk.
And with this bright remark, Antonio tipped his hat and sailed off down the street (Anthony in Manhattan)
I always get this picture of him as a kind of long-haired version of Gene Kelley.
With glasses.
Judy in disguise!
Oh I just LOVE those old songs! said the green slobbery monster.
The Phillie Fanatic!
I think those mascots are really stupid.
I think the whole thing is really stupid. Antonio was sitting in a despicable opium den.
He was smoking powerful drugs and getting really, really wasted.
As he opened his eyes, he saw a bewildering array of
twinkling little postage stamps
that said "MOMMY!" and flew at him and entwined themselves in his hair.
He went around like that for weeks.
And if you think that isn't hard
you haven't seen Iris try to make cornbread!!!
yes i have... i helped her.. it still didn't come out right
go to Jail
Go Directly to Jail. (You knew this was coming) Do not Pass Go. Do Not collect $200.
They broke Antonio out of jail and told him, "We have chosen you for
the task of finding the Universal
of water because Jason wrote that
adrift in a little old matchbox of a boat,
with only a star to steer by
And that fountain makes an AWFUL lot of NOISE!!!
Just like that referee! Boy, was he MAD!!!
That's why Antonio didn't watch basketball. Instead, he
joined the KLINGONS
Boy were they FEISTY!
I'll have some burned, replicated bird meat!
I think I'll go crawl back in bed. That was gross.
You can almost taste the Pepto-Bismol.
i'm not interested
in your speculations, we've got a war to fight.
And lots of tag lines to read!
Fuck tag lines let's EAT
and finger pies! (Ha, got you Jade)
That's disGUSTing
I like the slime... I like the stuff at the bottom... I like the snails and rocks...
said Archie Bunker!
If Meathead doesn't show up by the time dinner's ready
that's one of the seven signs that Armageddon is near.
throw that book away it's no good
it don't work it's all lies gotta use MINE
Let's get serious. God knows what he's doing. He wrote this book here!
Oh yeah RIGHT ask me if I care!
And she flounced out, slamming the door behind her. Antonio was perplexed.
As he trudged down the rainy street
with a Bible in his hand
He threw it at the wall.
It bounced off.
And out the window, where...
the little boy caught it and
threw it back
And unfortunately overthrew the second baseman and it went bouncing off into right field.
They got thirty-six runs on one hit.
one hit of WHAT?!?!?!?!
Have A Guess.
is Wonderful!
Not like this stupid cartoon Andy's watching.
Andy only does that to relax. When you got a big mind like that you got to do something stupid to give your brain cells a rest.
Whipped cream. Whipped cream in his head. Not brain cells.
Coffee cells
No one ever went to jail for drinking coffee.
But what has THAT got to do with ANTONIO in the 8th DIMENSION?
I'm effecting political change on my planet.
by drinking yoo hoo
That stuff is really inferior to Nestle's.
Droste's Cocoa, and
coffee sluedge
Coffee luge! You have to slide down the tube in a coffee cup!
I think we've already done this.
AHA! We're back!
& we're BEAUTIFUL!
It is a far far better thing I do than I have ever done.
I don't believe that should affect your opinion of humanity though.
Well, it was too close to the top of the hour.
we were tired, we needed coffee
Gotta think of something sexy!
How about me in tights?
This is not the Twilight Zone.
That's what YOU think!
You're so dumb, you can't tie your own shoelaces.
[Where's Antonio?]
At the bottom of the sea
and toxic waste
The hole in the ozone!
Antonio looked up and saw.. OH MY GOD
The golden orb of Pyrex! Take this, brother, may it serve you well.
Better than sex
and drugs and rock and ROLL
on the FLOOR
Everybody DANCE!
It wasn't
even an echo
seemed to be too loud. The voices were getting farther away and fainter but he could still hear them.
Oh, no, we're not going all through that again.
was everywhere. We would have to clean it up.
we didn't mind, we put on funny aprons and sang along with the "alice's restaurant" record
Uh oh
Here we go again, said Antonio. The 8th dimension is not safe.
Unless you are on roller skates
in Hell
there is no ice cream
Then we'll have to get some.
And put it in our refrigerator,
with the rest of the junk food
on earth
was a statuesque alien babe, and she said
Time for a new story
Use your imagination
to pass through to the next phase
in which our hero finds himself in a large array of psychedelic
tomato plants. And beyond the tomato plants, Antonio beheld a
circus acrobat named
Zachary Taylor
and his band of renown.
They are all Communists,
and they eat red beans!
Well, Antonio didn't stay there long.
He had better things to do, like
eat red pepper
garlic and bratwurst
That's grotesque. I refuse to respond to that.
Not unlike this sludge in my coffee cup.
You put too much sugar in. Like you did last time, when the
landed in my soup!
And they did the Fox Trot
The fox!
and Chicken Little said "The sky's falling!" And President Clinton said:
"Enough is ENOUGH!"
I'm going to spin the
platters, and see what comes out of the speakers! Hold on, gang...
Antonio was amazed. How had so much whipped cream gotten into the
warp engines, and flustered the
sneezed out the
window! And Antonio just followed it right into the
was all over the FLOOR! It was the worst
attempt to make yogurt Antonio had ever seen, and what's more
she was flaunting her
coffee stains
let's not get into that, please
no TV
what'll we DO, with no TV? AAAARGH!
drink coffee, and wait for the next train. Here's a Times...
We sat down to read. But next to us we found a drunken bum, who said
Bite me!
Eat my shorts
I'm not in the military, I don't have to say sir.
Sir, sir!
A flying saucer just landed on the beach!
Well, what do you expect me to do about it?
The door opened at that exact moment, and
a load of nonsense fell out, followed by our salary.
And now a word from our sponsor:
Kurt Cobain lives!
Unfortunately, this is not the case.
Oh, well. Next time, bring your
Brid shit
What kind of shit is that? Did you make a typo?
Well you needn't get all huffy about it, Miss Fancy Pants Spellchecker
Shut up, Beavis!
I take it someone was indulging in the delights of retardation.
Like that note you just got?
Antonio wadded up the note and strode out into the street.
The wind was blowing hard. There were newspapers blowing all over the place.
A gust of wind snatched my hat and whirled it away.
We took Kaopectate
the next phrase
Why didn't they fall through the floor?!
Are we back to that again? Antonio was perplexed. He took hold of Jason and whispered,
That sounds like something Jason would say.
Jason says things like frog
and water and eat and sleep and sex
sounds like someone i would like to meet....
Antonio does? Well, you and he got real, real close, and he said
Take me to bed.
I just got up! I couldn't sleep. Nor could Jason, even though he
drank a lot of coffee!
No wonder only he can understand.
I feel a rock lyric coming on...
YES!!!!! YES YES YESYESYESYESYESYES (jumping up and down)
Now, is that nice? I ask ya.
Moon River
How's your liver?
Shot. I drank too MUCH!@
Then don't drink that anymore. Drink coffee.
Coffee the NECTAR of the GODS!!!
And that great Sara McLaughlan song.
Oh... I melted into
i head the athletic department!
Antonio would rather have a chocolate chip cookie
FAT! You'll get FAT!
Hi! I'm from the underworld!
Well, no one knew what to say to that, but the ball sailed out of the park
and into the baby carriage
croquet balls
in garlic sauce
And that's all we make.
So go somewhere else, if you want fresh, clean, crisp, yummy
somewhere else!
wasn't as good as SOYBEANS
on RYE with a side of onion yumm...... oh it was so GOOD
Is that a fish?
Everybody thinks you've diluted the episodes for whole grain wheat
No political incorrectness in here!
That's RIGHT uh, I mean, That's CORRECT! (no prejudice against lefties)
Is there baseball in the 8th dimension?
Antonio was tied up and
fed borscht until he had ENOUGH!
You're no fun.
If everything goes alright we'll contact Jupiter in 3 weeks
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart to the spirit of life.
You got that back asswards!
Aw, go play with your wife.
Yes... you can throw creme pies
in your pants (only now you have no pants)
Won't he look silly, without his pants?
His pants will look even sillier without him.
Too much starch,
Mr. President!
Mr. President, there's a call for you from Officious!
Oh hell, I was right in the middle of an important
bathing suit! And what about the
naked girls in the closet! Something's got to be done about all the
He wears High Heels, Suspenders and a Bra!
Are you talking about Nixon again?
Nixon's dead
but his GHOST lives on! AAAIEGGGH
Not in The 8th Dimension. It's a NICE place with only nice ghosts allowed
And Tangerine trees and marmalade skies!
And things that go BUMP in the
Good Lord, Deliver us!
said the pregnant ladies.
Oh goodness. I don't like all those flashing things though!
What is the deal with the user list? It's showing TAGLINES!!!!!
I never get to write on this.
Neither do I fella
Gee, what's going on? All this coming and going and re-logging in !
Well, nobody said the 8th Dimension was EASY!
Well you just wait. They'll find you yet. And when they do,
you'd better put your kingdom up for sale.
Where are all these rock lyrics coming from?
The 8th dimension, of course! Silly!
which is where Antonio is. Glimmering flowers and hardwood floors.
And oceans of
In the 8th DIMENSION there is no PEPSI!!!!!!!
Uh oh. Time for another exciting episode of
COFFEE BUZZ starring ANDY TEMPLE and his band of renown
Antonio got in the elevator and went to the basement, expecting to find
old tools and buckets and little wheels off things. (What did you think I was going to say? Coffins?)
No, I thought you were going to say "Coffee." But I should have known better.
In the Eighth Dimension, the coffee is terrible. It tastes like
swamp water... or the water from your swimming pool! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT
Why not? The eighth dimension has no boundaries of time or space or thought.
Are you reading "The Hitchhikers Guide..." again? You shouldn't read that stuff. It is
poisonous to the atmosphere and unsuitable
for small children or any other reptiles.
There was a sudden iridescent glow in a far corner, and Antonio (the fool) went to investigate. He found
The cat? C'mon, not in the 8th Dimension.
Why are there no cats in the 8th Dimension? Cats are nice. Antonio followed the cat through the door.
The cat went through the door and Antonio found himself in a mid-morning bazaar.
Did that say bazaar or brassiere?
Who cares? Antonio was out in the daylight.
AAAAAAAHHHH! Turn that thing OFF!
Are we about ready for a new story?
I don't know. This one doesn't seem to be going anywhere.
Then it's time for a new story, because only Antonio can understand this one.
And Antonio will close it, too. As he walks off into the sunset, THE END.

Want More?
These stories were created with a one-line story generator on a WWIVnet bulletin board. Ech line was entered separately by each user who signed onto the bulletin board. Each person who signed in was shown the preceding line, and then was allowed to add a line of their own. The story, as it evolved, was stored on a part of the BBS where files were available for download; so you could, if you wanted, see previous entries to get a sense of where to take the story. So when you signed into a WWIVnet BBS, you might see something like this:

The Hero: Elmo the Magnificent
Title: Up In Smoke
Theme: Story of a hairdresser possessed by the spirit of Julius Caesar
Last line entered was...
around and around she goes, and
Enter the next line (or type ENTER to abort)

So then you have the opportunity to type the next line, knowing only what was written on the previous line. That's why it's sort of silly, and that's what makes it good!

The stories we're presenting here were written by members of Astraea system and a few friends, using said software.

Lois and Clark story ... Antonio in the 8th Dimension ... The Vanishing Pickle (Firesign Theater)

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Last updated on ... Wednesday, March 08, 2006 11:08:53 PM