Astraea's Infamous Online Story

Astraea's Infamous
Add-On Story

Click here for the original Colon Rots story
Click here for "The Rerun of Colon Rots"!

New Story: The Future Adventures of Colon Rots

This story is now closed. The current add-on story is at:

The "Kai" who contributed is not Kai from the Astraea system (who signs himself "KTJ" or "Bluejay"). We don't know who Kai is, but we'd like to thank him and all the rest of you guys for your hilarious contributions!

This is the sequel to "Adventures of Colon Rots", which you can read at:, and to "The Rerun of Colon Rots", at

Note: This software allows you to add only 300 characters at a time, so if you have a longer entry, break it up into several and post them sequentially! Hope you enjoy it.
-- Jay Young, Chris Akanora, Andy Temple, Gabe Ragland & others, from Astraea

Bottom Of Story | Home

Written By Story
John Shao We'll have another exciting story in a moment, but first here's an important message from the makers of Akai Rice!
Romaine I hate Akai Rice!
Shifter Chromo Seven months past and still no return of the well-known therapist, Colen rotz since he went away to the Booga Booga Islands for a long-awaited vacation. But see, my friends, he was kidnapped!
fangal Yes--kidnapped! Taken away on a secret submarine by a top, top, supertop, stovetop secret, hush hush, mum agents of the secret Operation Pineapples to induce multiple personalities into all the world's population.
fangal Yes--kidnapped! Taken away on a secret submarine by a top, top, supertop, stovetop secret, hush hush, mum agents of the secret Operation Pineapples to induce multiple personalities into all the world's population.
Shifter Chromo But, luckily for the world, the whole thing just apart like some Crhistmas tree made of legoes. anyw Operation Pineapples was designed to induce multiple personalities into everyone's brains for no good reason at all.
shifter chromo So, Colen was discovered on one of these paradisy islands by the head of the operatin, who also went on vacation after shutting down the secret Illuminating tower, and held Rotz hostage in the secret submarine.
Shifter Chromo No one in the world or universe or dinoverse knew where Colen rotz was except for two people in the whole world, universe, and dinoverse. Those were one of his clients, sherry, who had the most personalities on his files, and androgyna, also known as many other names.
shifter Chromo She was an enlightend androgyn and only she and Sherry knew where to find Colen. It was getting there that was the pain in the butt--or tail--or eyeball, whichever you prefer.
SjuShifter Chromo And so, my dearest friens, I hope you're ready for one of the most adventurous, scary, disgusting, and strangest but true stories not even the oldest piece of Akai rice has ever heard. WE begin our story with Sherry and Androgyna just coming from the airport to the Booga booga Islands to where Rotz was last seen...
Crosswired The sea shown like watery blue eyes of a crying child and the white sand was soft as cookie dough beneath Sherry's and Androgyna's shoes as they scanned the shoreline and collected funny pink and purple seashells. "So, how'll we get theerethere?" sherry asked, being the blond she was. androgyna stroked her beard in thought. "cruise ship. C'mon, kiddo."
crosswired together they found the ship and boarded. "Hey," said the captain, "you don't have a passport."
androgyna looked at him and snapped her fingers three times. Boom. He smiled and welcomed them onto The Crispy Cream Cruiser. "I hypnotized him," she said, seeing how confused Sherry was at this.
crosswired then they were speeding off while everyone got to know everyone and their dog and fuzzy slippers while eating Crispy Creams. Sherry and androgyna meanwhile studied the water as they went alongThey knew they had. way to go. A very long way with these chubby, doughnut stuffers.
John Shao Meanwhile, Dr. Colon Rots was analyzing the situation. Well, maybe not. He'd been stuck in the bathroom for quite a while. You see, they kept feeding him Akai Rice, and that stuff will clog you up in a jiffy.
laughing its head off If nothing else, colen sure had a great mental map of the bathroom by this time. he could see every detail with his eyes closed. But it still didn't get him out of the secret underground prison where they were experimenting slowly with his brain.
Andryn he studied the toilet bowl and wondered if he really thought of it if he could squeeze through it and escape that way. But he guessed there was no shapeshifting in this place.
Andryn he left the bathroom and walked along the narrow coridore and looked at every closed metal door as he past them. He wondered what was behind them. More prisoners? A cappuchino machine?He wished so. But nope, he headed back to his little confined room where he snuggled on his squeaky cot and fell asleep, the same routine as everyday.
andryn he t and dreamed of a beautiful woman, his former wife and they strolled along the beach. "Don't eat the Akai Rice," she warned,
"Why?" colen wanted to know as a tidal wave out at sea grew taller and taller.
"Because, sweetie--"

Beep! Beep! the rude alarm jolted colen awake.
crosswired "Oh, shut up for once!" Colen threw his pillow at the wall where the speaker that emitted the alarm was. The alarm stopped.
"Okay, time for another brain wash," came the bored voice from one of the evil Operation Pineapples henchmen.
"Nooo!" Colen covered his head with his hands.
Crosswired "Yes, yesssy, yes," the henchmman grinned and pulled the trigger on the brainwashing gun. A ray of pink light shown over Colen's head.
"so yummy," Colen drooled, "tastes like cottoncandy."
"Yes, yesy, yes," the henchman nodded in agreement, "now, come with me."
shifter Back on the Crispy Cream Cruiser, Sherry, now in the persona of a keen observing marine biologist named Debbie Drowny, scanned the waters and watched the dolphins doing backflips alongside the ship.
shifter "would you look at that," Sherry/Debbie remarked as one dolphin preteneded to gag itself with its flippers, "it's trying to say something."
"What?" Androgyna leaned forward over the deck, "I put too much sunscreen on my face. My third eye is blinded."
"It's about colen. Something about feeling choked."
shifter "Oh, no."
"Wel, it could be a metaphore," Debbie pointed out, "but where is this place we're looking for?"
Androgyna rubbed her forehead a bit. "Ah, that's better. We need to reach another island. an isolated one. There's the underground prison."
Shifter "How long will it be before we reach it?" Sherry now said i nin her own less professional voice.
"A few more hours. We'll abandon ship by sundown."
"But my hair," cried Sherry, and clung to her silky blond hair, "I just shampooed it."
online casino Very interesting and beautiful site. It is a lot of helpful information. Thanks!
werewolf of Computadora And now, back to our story...sorry about that. Ahem--advertisements. gotta love 'em.
Crosswired Darkness fell and the Crispy Cream party began. Peopel drank so much wine they dove into the ocean, thinking it a glorified swimming pool. This gave our heroines the perfect chance.
crosswired suddenly, as Sherry and Androgyna went to the farthest part of the ship's outrageously long deck, the captain gave a very distressful announcement over the loudspeaker.
Crosswired "Attention," he said, loudly clearing his throat and hawking up a hairball, making the drunk guests cringe and swoon with nausia, "TI know everyone's having a great time tonight, but I'm not. You see, Hurricane Junior is heading this way and I'm afraid we'll have to change course."
Crosswired Nervously everyone looked at one another and even the deejay playing the romping dance club beats scratchd the record with shock.
Sherry lookked at Androgyna.
"What's this mean for us? We'll never get to Colen now."
"Quit whineing. It'll be tough, but we'll make it to him."
Crosswired The lightning flashed to the dance club beat that had started again and the wind tore over the waves. The rain slashed at the side of the ship and still the drunk guests laughed and danced in it all. The ship rocked...turning away from the storm, and then a huge tidal wave came and surged up over the ship...
crosswired Dr. Colen rotz, the world's best of the best in the psychological world ovf evaluations, lay half dazed, feeling choked by the many surges of the cottoncandy light. He lay unable to move or speak in the laboratory, his brain all fuzzy like, well, like fluffy cottoncandy.
Shifter And so, he began to here chattering voices in his head, voices that claimed to be fairies and he began to think he were one of them. Already the induced multiple personality light was working on his brain. What fun the henchmen of Operation Pineapples could have with him. He could be their personal slave, baking up premade cookies at their command as the persona of Emerald the chef and say, "Bam! It's ready, boys!"
shifter EVen better, thought the head man of this whole evil operation, Rotz could be that famous massager, Kathy Catfingers, and give him nice back scratches...the world didn't need him. The world needed more personalities! give more variety to the world! Once Rotz was theirs', they could rule the whole world...
Werewolf of the Compudadora ba-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa!!Big thunderclap for special affect. good, Johnny. Very nice...
Sandy Hoofins When they were finished with him, Colen rotz was given a lollypop filled with Akai Rice in the center for a reward.
Oops "Now," sneered the skinny head henchmen named, Lewy Cackldo,, (his real name but his alias is really Powerhog), and he rubbed his grimy hands together. "Now," he repeated and patted Dr. Rotz on the head, "it's time for you to take a little vacation from yourself and do what someone else wants for once."
Swifty "I don't get it. This rice is old,."
"Don't spit it out all over me you flushface--eeewww! Minions, take him away till he can behave like a proper test subject!" cried Lewy AKA powerhog, and the five Mini Me's came out to the Austin Powers theme and acted real cool and then carried rotz off on their shoulders to a very scary place...
"Nooo!" Dr. Rotz cried, holding onto the half eaten Akai Rice lollypop for dear life as he was flung down into a dark pit...
chilly fingers of New York'
Mean weather gods! Back on the Crispy Cream Cruise ship, Hhurricane Junior raged like no other, tossing up dolphins and seaweed all over the doughnut shaped ship. The passengers cried out for heavier whisky as hthey were thrown overboard where Jonah the whale ate half of them and refused to spit them out after three days. AS for Sherry and Androgyna, they found themselves swimming for all their life all night long in the thrashing waves.
Werewolf of the computadora "I should have taken those swimming lessons," gasped Sherry as she struggled to to the backstroke over towering waves.
"LEt's surf 'em, kidd," Androgyna and Sherry, now as the persona of Surfer Stephany, rode the waves all night long together till by dawn and out of the storm they reached a desserted island.
"Desert? Dessert? Mmm."
"No, it's empty," androgyna smacked Stephany the surfer on the head..
crosswired the evil chickens in the pit encircled Dr. Rotz like hungry raptors.
"Cluck cluck pretty chickies," Rotz said, waving the lollypop as he coward to the back of the wall on the cold stone floor. He wondered just how big this secret underground place was. He didn't se see how he'd gotten there since he'd been traquilized and had been blindfolded with a dirty sock. So these crazy chickens were supposed to scare him, eh? It wasn't working.
Photik Like Kipling, your page is a treasure. Many thanks

<a href = ""></a>
and now back to the show and now back to the story! Ahem!
Warm and Fuzzy Colen stood up and waved his arms around, trying to scare the chickens.
"okay, how about some entertainment? You Dixie Chickens must bgt really sick of this, huh?"
"Got that right," said one of the chickens.
Warm and Fuzzy--again " "
Oh," Colen said and dropped the lollypop he'd been holding to the floor with shock.
"yeah, you heard me. Me and these other guys, we've been changed into chickens and are being treated like, well, like--"
"Wait!" Colen danced around with elation, "you mean you're cursed?"
"No, deliberately experimented on by the evil Dr. Botchup."
Warm and Fuzzy "Dr. Botchup? Hmm. Never heard of him but he must have been really, really bored to do that, considering how ugly you all look."
The chickens all fluttered their filthy wings and pecked Dr. Rotz all over till he took it back.
Shifter "So," said colen after everyone had settled down in yoga positions, "this Dr. botchup, a mad scienhtist friends with Dr. Powerhog who's holding me as his stupid lab animal and constipating me with Akai rice is making you all act like mean killers?" c
Shifter "Yeah," said the big black chicken and the others nodded in grave silence, "if we don't do what Dr. Powerhog wants, he threatens to turn us all into chicken pot pies" and here they all gasped nand clucked nervously.
"How long have you all been this way?"
"Uuuuuhhh, years and years and years..."
Shifter "But I'm having a terrible obsession lately with pecking out Dr. Powerhog's and the henchmens' toe jam," blushed the chicken and the others flapped their wings with equal embarrassment.
"OH, well, I'm a therapist so spill your guts...I mean,--ahem--tell me everythingn and I'll help you."
Crosswired "ahhh," Sherry lay out on the white sands of the desserted island where even the coconuts wer empty.
"C'mon, we have to get going," Androgyna said, and pulled the beach towel Sherry had sneaked with her and was laying on it to get a tan.
"Go where? Colen can find his own way home. I'm on vacation, here. What if he doesn't want to be rescued for once? He's always being rescued."
Crosswired "Oh, you don't want to be here forever, either. Look, here comes a burning commet."
Sure enougenough, a fiery ball came sizzling down just as sherry leapt up and screamed as it landed on her Little Mermaid towel and burnt it to a crisp...crispy cream?
The two of them ran into the thick unknown jungle where they soon were chased by a huge gorilla
starcrossed that got horny on Sherry and tried to kiss her but its lips were too big for her face so he got mad and threw her across the island where she was held captive by a group of greedy, drunk pirates.
Sniffles the cutest Tiger of Bedside Dr. Powerhog meanwhile was having a foot massage by the henchmen in a pink tutu since the purple tutu had shrunk in the dryer.
"Yes," said the devil doctor,"Rotz should be eaten by now by those vile birdbrains of mine. Yes, Pinky, I think I'll change my plans."
"How so, Doc?"
"Oh, instead of those silly personalities that aren't actually working...
Sniffles ...working on his peabrain, oh, I don't know, bring him home to Mother and see maybe if he's perhaps a good dish, since Mother's a canibal."
Agent 2-X "Oh, Doc!" Pinky in the tutu covered his face with his hands in horror, "No, please, Dr. Rotz--"
"dDoctor? Did aI hear you call him a professonal?" Dr. Powerhog's eyes reddend demonically and he grew long nails, "don't ever call that rat a professional in front of me! It hurts my brain to think of him like that. You're fired!"
Agent 2-X "but-but-but my buttocks surgery! How'll I pay for that next week? My butt fat is killing me!" "Pinky rubbed his tush, "please, unfire me."
"Fine, but I still can do whatever I want with Rotz the rat. I'm large and in charge!" he bounced his belly flab for emphasis.
Dr. Powerhog decided to change his plans and destroy Colen rotz for good.
Crosswired "You see, I first thought colen was talking to himself...but then, I heard the chickens talking to him! He was counseling them!" cried Dr. Powerhog and thrust a dart into the wall, "and so, Pinky, I decided to move onto plan C."
Crosswired Doc, don't you mean plan A? I mean B?"
"No, I tried A and it failed. I tried B and it failed and that's why I'm moving onto Plan C. Why in the whole shattered world does it matter so much to you? who hired you anyway?'
"You, sir."
"oh, I must have been high or something. Okay, more lotion. Ouch! Watch my bunion! I'ts tender!"
Saiti Hawkins Shakedown Androgyna ended up meeting George of the Jungle and having banana cake with him in his treehouse back on the island and was unable to get away to search for Sherry.

sherrry, in the personality of a Viking named Giggle tooth, drank rum with Captain Chum bucket as they sailed away on the ship with their new found treasure.
Cheesecake Escaping from George of the Jungle when she kicked him in the face, androgyna raced out of the jungle and onto the shore to see the algae covered pirate ship sailing off into the distance.
"oh, shapoodles. Now she's gone and I've lost all sense of direction where colen is. I know he's somewhere near but I could really use one of Sherry's more geographical inclined people right now."
Cheesecake Escaping from George of the Jungle when she kicked him in the face, androgyna raced out of the jungle and onto the shore to see the algae covered pirate ship sailing off into the distance.
"oh, shapoodles. Now she's gone and I've lost all sense of direction where colen is. I know he's somewhere near but I could really use one of Sherry's more geographical inclined people right now."
werewolf of the computadora Back in the dark pit with the chickens, Colen was having a great time swapping dirty jokes when suddenly the door opened and the guards came down the ladder to retrieve Colen.
"Dr. Powerhog wants to see ya," said one of the guards, and was about to grab colen when the big chicken flew at his face...
werewolf lurking on your keyboard The guard fell back as hthe other chickens joined in on the fight and colen wondered what to do next.
The chickens did a few karate kicks and knocked the guards out.
"You can't leave,' said the one chicken, "we love you!"
werewolf in your window "Now," colen began, "love is a strong feling for the time we've spent together. A very short time, indeed--"
"No, but we need you for our mental saneness!" cried the leader chicken. The others nodded
"Well, if you help .
Martin Very interesting and beautiful site. It is a lot of helpful information. Thanks!
Crosswired ...and now back to the story
scrunchy "Look, just tell me where to get out of here," pleaded Colen to the chickens, there's got to be a way out."
"Yeah, there is," said the leader chicken, "but there're guard pigs out there that'll tear us to piecesQ!"
scrunchy "Pigs? Pigs won't hurt you. SStop !!" boomed Dr. Powerhog from outside the door. giving into your fear and be strong!
aaahh! "Pigs? Pigs won't hurt you. stop being sissies and be strong for once in character--"
"Guards! Where is he??!!" roared an infuriated Dr. Powerhog from the doorway.
coconut madness IT was then a dark shadow cut across the doorway and in stepped Dr. Powerhog into the damp dungeon. HE leered down at Dr. Rotz and the cowering chickens.
Then he saw the two guards out cold on the flor.
"Wake up you fools!" Dr. Powrehog kicked the one guard in the head with his steeltoed boots.
"ouchy, you're hurting them," Colen said.
"I don't care!"
coconut madness strikes again! "What I do care about..." Dr. Powerhog cracked each knuckle with precise slowness, "is that my mother eats tonight!"
He leapt onto Dr. rotz and the chickens all ran into a corner instead of defending Colen.
trators!" cried Colen as he was dragged off by the super human doctor from the pit.
Jacson coolness Meanwhile back at the ranch...actually the island, Androgyna had leapt into the sea and with the help of some mermaids high on LSD found the pirate ship.
3rd eye way awake "Sherrry," Androgyna found the blond who was actually stil in the persona of a viking with face painted black and dressed in oldstyle shreded pirate clothes, "I'm here to rescue you."
"Captain, we have an intruder!" she cried, and drew a shining daggger at Androgyna's throat.
Zora suddenly a strange woman on deck appeared and holding a crystal ball. She was a gypsy and the captain let her into the circle.
"Don't kill her," she pleaded, and held up the shining ball, "I'll take care of her, boys."
Zora The glowing swirling blue ball dazzled the androgynous woman's eyes and she found herself under the control of the gypsy.
"Now," the gypsy spoke with coolness and the pirates and viking watched curiosly, "from this hour on you will remember colen rotz no more. He's no one special and now you will be cursed for helping him."
Zora one Last time "But why? He's not bad," Androgyna said, her memory of the captive therapist getting fuzzier, "why's everyone being so mean to him?"
"He's bad for those like Sherry," the gypsy replied with a chillyed stare, "he's taking away her's and others' uniqueness away. WE just can't have that. NO one likes cookie cutters, especialy cheap Chips Ahoy for three bucks a box."
Starla Then the pirates and Sherry the Viking cheered as the bearded woman was led away in a daze by the gypsy into the ship's cabin.
"time for some more rum, Captain!" Sherry the viking slurred and the other dimwitted pirates all cheered and sang, "Oh, buckets of beer, oh, buckets of beer!" as they held hands and danced in the moonlight.
Crosswired Colen rotz was bound and gag with duck tape that quacked too much as he was thrown nto the back of a speed boat and carried off to a vacant island with snowy mountains and creepy groves of trees with vines moving like snakes. colen was carried by Dr. Powerhog up to the high mountain.
Shifter Dr. Powerhog called the soulbond of Arnald Schwarzenegar and gained his strength, lifting Colen up over his head and yodeled down to the valleys.
"Colen, come meet Mother," he said now as himself again and took the helpless Colen to his doom.
lonely were are Up to the shabby old ranch house on the mountaintop Colen was taken to and the door swung open with an erie creak and a hidious old woman peered out...
Werewolf in your computer again The woman's wrinkled face lit up like a torch when she saw Colen, still blindfolded and held by Dr. Powerhog.
"M"Lewy, get 'em in here before he dehydrates," scolded the woman.
up way to late for this silliness Quickly the doctor pushed Colen into the house that smelled of gingerbread and sparkled like sparkling grape juice.
Colen was sat down in front of the fireplace as his blindfold was removed.
"Now, you must be exhausted dear," breathed Dr. Powerhog's mother and began to drool like a hungry beast.
still up too late for this craziness "Hey, my new shoes," cried Colen as the thick stream of saliva from the woman dribbled onto his shoes.
"So sorry,"," the woman covered her mouth with a reptilianish hand, "Lewy! Get out of that cookie jar!"
bored Gasping loudly the evel Dr. Powerhog jumped away from the old dusty cookie jar and gulped down the crusty cookie as he eyed Colen.
"Well, um, aren't you going to eat me?" colen asGodzilla, "because if you are, can you do it reallyfast? I hate pain."
"W"Well, um, are you going to eat me?" Colen asked, apprehention mounting tall as Godzilla, "because if you are, do it fast. I hate pain."
"Honey bunny! I wouldn't harm a flea--although I'd hate to have them sucking my blood," the old woman added as she picked rotten flesh from a tooth.
Alex Hey my dear friends!! New sex portal, thousands and tons GIGs of gays life on <a href=></a>. Just this week!
Andy Temple *mutes the tv and waits out the commercial...*
Andy Temple "I've been telling Lewy I ate his victims, but actually I've been helping them escape. Here," the old lady said, handing Colon a flashlight, a map, a rusty skate key and some trail mix. Waiting until it was quite dark, she let him out the back door. "Put that key in a safe pocket. You'll find it quite useful."
curious Little Monkey "IT's dark out here," Colen said, shining the light beam from the flashlight over the remote valley below and listening to an owl cry in the night.
the old woman whispered, "shhhh. Sneak away and hide in Elf Mountain."
Even more Curious "Elf Mountain? Where's that? Elves are figs of the imagination."
"Now, don't get all rational on me, doctor," the woman warned, "just follow that path up the hil and you'll find the mountain. you'll be safe there till morning. Then you can get back home."
nail biter of suspense "Oh? You mean bakc eating talking anchovies on pizza and watching my favorite Dr. Phil show? Hey, I owe you one, lady. Okay Okey dokey, bye!" Colen waved and skipped down the path that shimmerd in the moonlight.
Last Shot Back on the sea, Sherry awakened on a strange ship with drunk guys who were pirates all snoring around her on deck.
"Eeww, get me out of here," Sherry whined, gagging at the taste of rum on her breath as she stumbled in the darkness and leaned over the edge of the ship where she threw up.
Hmmm.... It was then Sherry caught sight in the moonlight of a shimmeringf imjmering immering red tail of a mermaid. "Help me," Sherry called to the mystical creature that vainly admired herself in a hand mirror while floating on her back, "I'm on this disgusting ship and have to get off it."
jazzzy Jane "Why should I help you?" the mermaid inquired with a toss of her silver hair, "you stink."
"I know I do, and I don't belong here. OH, my shnikies! Where's Androgyna?"
Jazzy Jane one more time "Who?"
"My friend, the psychic lady with the beard and classy high heels. She was on an island and now...maybe she's looking for me? Here on this puky ship? Captain Chum Bucket...oh, no. Androgyna's been cast under a spell my viking person tells me. Have to find Colen Rotz!"
Just Plain Weird and Whippy "You mean that pathetic therapist that tried convincing my best friend, a human with the persona of a mermaid, that it was all an illusion? No, way, girl," the mermaid flipped her fin and disappeared under the water.
"What's all this racket?" growled a slurred voice, the voice of Captain
Chum Bucket as he came out on deck.
chilly Willy "Me," Sherry answered, and her warrior side, named Alia, knocked the drunk pirate out cold with a few punches before courageously throwing herself overboard and swimming away in the deep blue for the one person in the whole world who had her name on file--Dr. colen Rotz.
Skater Gator ON the winding path to elf Mountain Colen devoured the whole bag of Trail Mix and wondered if he could find a Pepsi machine somewhere.
"Fater all, if elves exist as I supposedly doubt, then why can't a soda machine appera?"
Swish! There before his eyes on the dirt path was a sparkling soda machine.
Skater Gator again "Was it something I said?"
"NO," anserd a little voice from somewhere near by, "it was how you said it. You said fater appeara, instead of after and appear."
"Okay, don't have to get so technical. I screwed up. But, hey, I got my wish, eh?" Colen went up to the soda machine.
fruta jugo/Fruit Juice Colen slipped in a few coins and punched in the Pepsi code. The machine rocked and then the can came out.
"Awesome, dude," Colen snapped the tab up and dropped it into the can and gulped down the soda, then choked on the metal tab.
"You idiot," the little voice said, now even closer.
frutajugo "Everyone thinks I'm stupid," whined colen, and tossed the can in the bushes.
"Yeah, you're polluting the environment," said the purple elf that stepped out in front of him with crossed arms,. IT snapped a stubby finger and the soda machine vanished.
"whoa, how'd you do that?" Colen asked with amazement, "teach me. teach me," he clapped his hands together like a little girl.
"Nope. You'd really screw up then. come with me. I've got to keep you hidden."
Angel Eyes to the craigy purple mountains Colen was led to and found himself in a castle carved in the mountainside where he watched cable TV and ate gummy worms till his stomach felt puky.
sunshine "Wow," Colen said as he lay back on his overstuffed pillow while watching TV, "I'm finally famous! I'm on half these news channels. Everyone's looking for me. Ha! I can live this way everyday. I love this."
"Well, you can't stay long," said the purple elf next to him who fanned Colen with a palm fran, "you really annoy us."
Jazzy Jane "Well, in that case," Colen sat up and flung the elf out the window to the rocks below.

"Ahhh, that's better," Colen leaned back against his pilllow and watchd the Scifi channel till he fell asleep.
Crosswired As the heroic Sherry swam in the ocean to yet another desserted island where, sadly, no dessert was found, she wondered what to do there. How was she to know where Colen was? Last she knew he was somewhere nearby, Androgyna had said. But Androgyna was now part of the gypsy band and long gone. Sherry had to do this herself.
"Help!" she cried out with frustration and a white glowing light appeared on the shore.
Leo They were white fairies encircling Sherry in a dance.
"You rang?" one fat fairy asked.
"Yeah, I don't know where Colen rotz is. He's the only one who cares about me."
"OH, he's on Elf Mountain. Just close your eyes and say, spizzaroni five hundred times fast.," the fat fairy told her.
So sherry counted and disappeared to Elf Mountain.
Techna "Ow!" Sherry looked down at her hand with horror, "I broke a nail o on that stupid rock," she kicked the foot of the purple stoned mountain and then came a tumbling elf from above.
Techna The purple elf landed on Sherry's head.
"Pickles and plungers!"yelled the elf as it landed.
"Are you okay?" Sherrry reached out to the elf.
"Fine, lady. Just fine, if you think some jerk throwing you out a towering castle window is anything to be okay about," snapped the angry elf.
gotta go "Oh, jeeze, what idiot would do that?" Sherry looked up at the magnificent castle on the mountainside.
"That doofis Colen rotz or whatever. He's been causing chaos everywhere he's been so far and I can't wait for morning when we can kick him out and have some peace."
werewolf on fire "What?!" Sherry cried, "did you say colen rotz?"
"I said colen rotz or whatever," the elf corrected, "but I can't say he's the actuall colen Rotz."
"Why not? I mean, there's only one of him."
shic andro "Well, that depends," the purple elf solemnly said, "there could be two of him. I don't know if he walked into a double rainbow or not on his way here, which would explain his rudeness."
"Double, like, rainbow?" Sherry/Angela the Valley girl said ditzily, "at night? Any gold at the end?"
Shic Andro "gold? No,no, no," the elf scolded, "Lucky charms, blondy. Very tasty but stale if you get to them too long after a rainstorm. Double Rainbows come at night, you know, under the light of the moon."
shic Andro "Oopsy, well, I don't want to get, like, all tecnical. so, like, chaw," Angela said and tossed her blodn hair dramatically away from her face, "let's just get into the castle. I'm hungry. "got any, like, chocolate?"
peaches The elf and Sherry/angela, entered the castle and the reluctant elf took Sherry/angela up to colen's room.
"Sherry Cakes!" cried Colen and jumped out of bed when he saw Sherry.
"Like, it's angie,"the disgusted valley girl said, "and you stink like, like...Akai rice?"
"Anbd you stink like, like...rum and rotten fish?" colen sniffed and gagged.
"yeah, got stuck on a stupid pirate ship because some viking in my system wanted to party."
chicken mc'nugget Sherrry/angela whipped out a mini banana cream pie and threw it into Colen's face.
"well, aren't we immature?" Colen wiped the cream off his face and then licked all his fingers.
"Whatever, Rotz. Let's just get out of this place. It's, like, creepy."
"Noah, I get to watch Tv--" colen began, and they gasped when the lights all flickered out.
nibblor They screamed and ran to the door but it was locked!
"Hey, bunch of purple paranoid little people!" Rotz said, and swore under his breath. Why had the purple elves locked him and Sherry in? And what was going on with the lights?
Suddenly in the middle of the room appeared a shimmmering figure...
up too late "Colen Rotz!" boomed the ghostly voice of his dead wife, "my dearest, foolish Colen. Oh, how I love you!"
"Really?But, honey buns!"Colen ran to his wife and planted a kiss on empty air.
"Sorry sweetie," smiled his wife, "but that won't work."
John Shao "Then what must I do? I'm longing to embrace you! Do you remember our sweet nights together under the autumn moonlight? When we'd slow dance for hours to Stevie Wonder, drinking vodka blushes while the stars smiled down on our love?"
"I would love to do that again," his wife said fervently....
John Shao ..."In the afterlife, we don't have vodka. Besides, I miss you! But I don't have much time tonight. I've come to help you find a way out. I overheard those elves. There's a secret door behind the TV ..."
Sherry/Edwina (the British lady) watched all this with a bemused air.
Jay Sherry leaned over and turned off the pr0n channel, and Mrs. R said "Slide down the tunnel and you'll come to a basement with some steps leading to a trapdoor. That'll take you to the surface of the island. You might find a surprise up there. I have to go now, my love but you'll see me again."
Crosswired "Cool," Colen gaped at the long, winding, dark tunnel through the doorway as he and Sherry/alexis, an archaeologist, stared down.

"Let's move," Sherry/Alexis urged, whipping out a spotlight for herself and handing Colen a flickering candle.
Furry blurry eyes "I'm ti'i'ired," Colen whined an hour later as they reachd the bottom of the narrow, stone staircase. By now it was early morning as they emerged into the fresh salty air.
"How'll we get off it, though?" Sherry, now her ditzy self, wondered.
tooth picks keeping my eyes open Suddenly, as if on cue, and even whistling jauntily, there appeared Huckleberry Fin on his raft and smiled at Sherry and Colen.
"shucks, you two look stranded," he said, and eagerly the two scrambled onboard the slimy raft.
chuckles "wow!" cried sherry/Kaisy, the big adventure girl, "you're something else, Huck!"
"Awww, shucks," blushed Huc as they rode a high wave out to sea, "you be cuttin that out, now. How 'bout you, doc?"
Colen stared in disgust at Huck's torn up pants.
chickedy doo You wouldn't happen to know where we're going, do you? I have to pee," Colen said, and tried not to look at the water in fear it'd make him want to wet his pants, *you knhow how that is, peoples*, "I mean, how long have you been out here? More than a hundred years, I'd say, since that book was written."
giggling "Huh? Doc, are you okay? I always raft the waters. Hey, look," pointed Huck, "what do you know? We're almost to the tip of Africa."
Jentastic They hit the shorelineand colen leapt off but stopped short when he saw the African grasslands before him. "Wow, this is heavy," he mutttered as The Lion King stalked by and strutted his dark mane at colen.
"It's wonderful," Sherry/Kaisy cried and took in the leaping impalas and dancing zebras and parrrots that sang opera.
"Huck, you're really something!"
"I said cut that out," blushed Huck.
werewolf tonight Just then a stern medicine man from the bush leaped out, and shook a gord rattle at Colen real mysteriously.
Everyone froze...the animals even stood in one place.
"Colen Rotz!" cried the old medicine man in a long, loud proclaimation, "you are special!"
"Me?" Colen smiled, did you hhear that? I'm special!'"
Chilly "I'm special! I'm special!" sang Colen as he danced around Sherry and Huck in a circle, and then hugged the bush man.
"No, no touchy," the medicine man shoved Colen away and squirted some anti germ liquid from a bottle all over his hands, "must stay clean for ceremony."
Chilly Willie Oooo!
"Ceremony? Will there be icecream there?" inquired an inocent Sherry/Juju, the little five-year-old in her various household of alters in her mindspace, "I'm hungry."
"Ah, she have lots of people in her head?" observed the medicine man, coming nearer to Sherry/Juju, who shyly hid behind Huck.
still chilly Willie here "Uh, yeah," answered Colen with hesitance, wishing he were the center of attention again, "she's had a a long trip. I'm hot. Phew! Talk about temperature! How about some Shawn Paul?"
peaches Colen turned to see that Sherry/Juju, now giggling at the medicine man's long dark hair that flew all over, the medicine man himself, and a dopy Huckleberry Fynn were walking away to a little village, leaving Colen alone in the grassy clearing.
"Great, Colen muttered as he ran after the trio, "the story's about me. REad the title!Not about them!"
Kurnal Mustard *so cluelesss* They entered a little village where Americans were being taped for Survivor and eating tree bark for survival as Colen and the othres past by and were led to a hut made of bamboo.
"Ah, the village people," greeted an old woman from the doorway of the hut, and then YMCA played on cue.
pinball "Come in," the dark woman beckoned with a handand pulle dback the fur dor, "let me tell you your fortunes."
"Oo, fortunes are so in," Sherry/angela the radical valley girl said grinning as she skipped inside the hut.
twenty-one forever!!!!!! "I'm glad you like fortunes," thewoman replied as Colen followed them inside and they sat on an oriental carpet, "because you're first."
"Great," Sherry said, and watched the woman take out a shining crystal ball.
busted "ah," the woman said, massaging the shimmering ball as a Chinese gong was sounded in the room, "I see....I see a bright future for yourselves," she said to Sherry, who grinned eagerly.
"Oo, do I win the lottery?" Sherrry asked in a squealing voice.
"Nosomething better. Something...famous," she squinted into the glowing white baqllball.
"Famous?!" gasped Colen with surprise.
Ally Catz "that's right," the woman replied.
"How will it happen?" Sherry asked.
"Oh, that isn't determined. all I can tell you is that you'll be famous in a short while. Now, your turn, Colen."
Colen took his place on the scratchy rug as the ball glowed once more, this time a stormy glittering.
"Oh," the woman looked concerned with knitted dark brows, "oh, dear."
"what's wrong?" colen wondered aloud.
"It seems you will...
Ally ""what?" colen wanted to know with alarm.
"Well," the woman stopped rubbing the ball and it turned clear again, "more trouble on the way for you."
sandy eyes "Like what kind of trouble?" Sherry inquired, in the persona of a counselor.
"It's too much to tell. Very complex situations--as complicated as a man's brain.? "
"What?" Colen glared at the woman who smiled impishly.
"Don't worrry," she answered, "you have the skate key." Remember? Look in your right pocket."
colen rechedreached in his pocket and found the rusty skate key the old woman on the island had given him.
have to get to sleep "Yeah, wasn't this for a rollerskate? I have a phobia of rollerskate--rollerphobia," Colen said in a tremblign voice, "I never did get over it. all that motion. all that stupid--"
"I don't care!" cried the woman suddenly, "just listen to me. when you return to to the great Land of the Free,The United States, trouble will rise up at you and Sherry and that skate key is your only hope."
oh, shnikies colen and Sherry gulped loudly and stared down at the dull key in Colen's hand.
"How will we get back there?" Colen asked then.
"that's why you were brought here," the woman told them, "the only safe way is climbing inside Jonah the Whale."
laughing "Whale? Wait, That's all wrong. It's just The Whale. Jonah swallowed by the whale," Sherry/Darleen, a theologian, argued.
"OH, now, that's true. But Jonah the Whale is a distnatdistant cousin of that Whale who swallowed Jonah. Now's not the time to get technical," the woman said, "come with me. Trust Jonah and he will guide you to safety."
sonicbite They were led to the sea and after whistling shrilly, a large whale, blubbery and looking bored, came swimming to the shore a ways.
"Okay," the African woman smiled, "toodles."
"Toodles?" Colen wondered, and before he knew it Sherry was pulling him into the ocean and swimming out to the mouth of Jonah...
sonicbite "This is so psychologically impossibel, irational--aaahhhh!" Colen was sucked into the slobbery whale's mouth and down his fatty throat and into a deep pit.
"Hey, it stinks like crestation in here!" Colen wailed and then noticed the other people sitting around him playing Go fish.
snickering "Hey, Sherry," Colen smiled, "we're not alone."
"OH, so fun," Sherry/Juju, the little five-year-old, grabbed a few cards from the deck.
together they sat for hours chatting about their missadventures to the former Crispy Cream passengers who wer swallowed during Hurricane Junior's wrath days ago.
"Get plenty of omega-3's," a proud woman pointed out at the fish heads.
Candy Finally they all slept and listened to the gurgling stomach of the whale and wondered if they'd ever get back to America.
then, after what they thought was hours, they woke up one morning eating yet another pound of fish when they realized...
cramped "listen," said Sherry, and everyone could hear nothing. Felt no movement from Jonah.
"Oh, my leopards!" cried an old lady, "Jonah's dead! We're all going to die!"
"No, don't panick!" Colen calmed everyone down with some theraputic medicine balls he carried in his pockets, "now, that's a good thing. Let's climb up and see if we're on land."
too nuts Some musclular guys tried getting up the slippery throat but couldn't. Finally, someone with a pocket knife carved a wide hole in the side of the whale and daylight poured in like cappuchino!"
"Dude, it's hot out there!" the guy with the knife cried, and everyone just stared at the hole for a moment.
yes, yes? "Let's go!" cried the healthy woman carryign a load of fishheads in her arms, and everyone followed and sang "Born Free," as they leapt through the hole.
oh, man "Aaaaahhhh!" scremed Colen as he rubbed his eyes like tthe others, "I'm blind! It's too bright!!!!"
"OH, just give it a minuteSherry told him and then they saw they wer on Cocoa Beach, Jonah the whale washed up on sure and dead.
Everyone danced in the morning sunlight and headed into the caffae for some coffee.
better Dayz Sherry had a jelly doughnut while Colen sipped some hot cappuchino--what else does this dude drink?
"You know," began Colen as they sat at a shiny table in the cheerful room, "ever notice whenever stufff's going our way we're always eating? And then something bad happens?"
Well, I think something bad is going to happpen."
this is too funny "Really?" Sherry asked, wiping jelly with her sleeve off her chin.
"Yeah, notice it happens in some stupid dinky diner or something when we eat junkfood?"
"Yeah," Colen said, and the door burst open with a bang!
uh-oh Everyone in the room turned with a dramatic gasp...the jukebox died and a piece of gum wrapper blew over the suddenly dingy floor in the silence as a mean, tall man stepped in and pointed right at Colen.
Crosswired right at colen...right at Colen...
"You," the man said in a gravly, rough western accented voice, "git ova here."
A hushed whisper rose up amung the people as a shaking Colen Rotz stood up, spilling cappuchino all over his pants. Fabulous site.
Elaq & Daieleh said the guy, "but I haven't got time for that now. I'm from GREENPEACE, and..."
Jesss "oooohhh!" utterd the astonished crowd with amazement, and bowed their heads with respect as the western guy and colen, still looking down at his stained pants, advanced toward one another.
"W--what's GREENPEACE?"Colen asked.
Jess "Somewhere's I gotta take yas," the man replied, offering Colen a chewed blade of grass, "somewhere's to...well, enlighten ya."
Lisa Dash The tall man skittered out the door as the crowd murmured and rose to peer out the smudged front windows. Little gasps circulated as what they saw in front of the dingy eatery amazed them........
Lisa Dash The tall man skittered out the door as the crowd murmured and rose to peer out the smudged front windows. Little gasps circulated as what they saw in front of the dingy eatery amazed them........
crosswired "Look!" Sherry pointed frantically out the window and Colen along with the crowd gathered to see better, not sure whether they wanted to venture outside.
There, as high as a house, gleamed a golden rocket ship.
Crosswired They watched as the strange tall man of GREENPEACEhurried toward the rocket and met up with other similar-looking people meeting him outside the ship.
Suddenly, the man turned toward the eatery and aimed a huge blue spotlight at it...
Jazzy Jane The window burst open and everyone cried out, covering their faces with their hands and ducking to avoid the shards of glass. IT was then they realized that Colen and Sherry had been taken away by the blinding light beam before hearing the roaring rocket take off into the sky.
Jazzzy Jane "Abducted!" cried a hysterical man, "I told you it was coming! Didn't I tell you?"
"But why only those two?" one woman wondered.
"Who cares? WE're still here," breathed a grouchy looking guy in a tux, "Shirley Temples for everyone!"
A great cheer went up and it wasn't long before everyone had forgotten our two heroes now in space, headed for Planet Greenpeace...
Jess "Gr"Great, captured again," Colen tried to breathe in and out to calm himself down but it was n no use. Once more him and Sherry, the only one who had the most records in his file as his client, were being taken away, this time from Earth. Why did these strange beings want them so much?
Crosswired "Oh, cool it," Sherry/Alrina, a being from another planet told him as she gazed out the window, "just look at the beautiful stars flying by and, look, there's Earth. How pretty it is all blue and green like that. Hey, I can see your bathroom windowfrom here."
Crossiwred "Not funny," growled Colen,throwing out his method for calming down. he slammed a frustrated fist hard against the steel walls as the ship became farther from Earth that disappeared in seconds.
"Oh, it's not a bad thing," Sherry/Albina told him with reassurance, "I don't know much about Planet Greenpeace but I do know a thing or two about a thing or two when it comes to alien society."
Hungry Bear "Yeah? Like an escape route? How about torture techniques," Colen seethed. He couldn't believe how close he'd been to getting home. If only him and Sherry hadn't obeyed their primal instincts and had doughnuts and caffeine, this all wouldn't had happend...
"The fortune teller in Africa was right!" Colen cried, "she said something bad would happen and it did! We're doomed!"
Hungry Bear--gotta get lunch! "OH, I don't know anything about a fortune thingmabopper but I can say an asteroid's headed this way. Or is that a rival spacecraft? Oh, I should have studied spaceology more--"
"This isn't time for that!" Colen looked around for somewhere to hide as the enormous silver spaceship hovered dangerously close.
"They're going to fire!" Sherry/AAlbrina ducked down just as the first laser ball hit the side of the ship with a boom.
Bluejay Young The deflectors held, but the ship rocked badly and a number of alert klaxons went off. Colon crawled under a console and hid where he could see what was going on.

Sherry, doing a rare bit of co-running, had both Alrina the alien girl and Alia the warrior woman at front...
Bluejay Young "Who are these attackers?" Alia said.

"They are Norekkans," Alrina replied, "not bad people but a bit rough, with a tendency to shoot first and ask q---"


Alia faced the commander. "Why aren't you returning fire?"

"I'd rather try talking to them first..."

"Open a channel!" Alrina said. "I'll tell them we mean no harm."
BMW Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) <a href="">bmw</a>
John Shao Colon's display of German was impressive but his suggestion that the aliens switch to a BMW was not. Alrina stopped him in mid-gutteral, and said: "We are on a peaceful mission! We mean no harm to you or any life form!"
John Shao (laughing his ass off) (Boy, nobody at the ISSD's gonna believe this, thought Colon to himself. The very organization he himself had founded would probably laugh him right off the board of directors if he revealed he & a plural client had been kidnapped by aliens... why couldn't it have been his rival Allison instead of him?)
Romaine Who do you think's commanding the other ship?
Hydrocodone -) Very informative! Good work
Phentermine Great site you have! Nice stucture, easy to browse! thaks for useful info:)
Viagra OoOo!)) Nice site you 've got! Good luck!
Crossswired Back to the story!!!!
Crosswired So, just who was commanding the rival ship?
"Alrina, please do something!" begged Colen as the ship shuddered with another laser ball against the one side of the craft.
"I am," Sherry/Alrina answered as she fired one great laser back at the other ship, "it's just...I know what's going on. We're being captured because...
Jess ...because these people from Greenpeace are the enemies, not the other way around!"
Just then the entire force shield of the ship tore away as a fiery yellow light from the fireball of the other ship burnt it clean away.
NOthigEverything went black for Colen and Alrina as both were knocked to the floor and hit their heads...
Fruty Tooty colen awoke and wondered where the strongest wisky could be found.
"My head's screaming like someone smacked it with a--"-"
A rough hand smothered Colen's words in the darkness.
"Shhhhh," warned Sherry/alrina, "quiet. We're supposed to be pathetic looking."
"Why?" Colen whined.
hate this song on the radio "Because that's how the audience feels sorry for the main characters. We're the main--oh, whatever. We're in the sick bay, onboard the Alregon ship. Alison, was commander of the Greenpeace beings. I shoudl have known.?"
hate radio ads "Duh, it figures. Now we're safe, right? We can go home now?" Colen said, stuffing his hand into a pocket where he found the old skate key.
"Not yet. They want us to see their remodeled house on their home planet."
Ally Cat "What?!" cried Colen, "c'o'o'on, I want something to eat. I want to watch Dr. Phil again and eat pizza and, oooohhh," he placed a hand over his aching forehead, "what happend anyway?"
"the wall blew in from the blast and we were sucked into this ship and unconscious while it all happened. We've been here for about an hour and twenty-two seconds," Alrina told him.
Starla "Figures again. Always have what's going on. Hey, what the heck is this stupid key for anyway?" colen held up the rusty old key in his hand, "I'm sick of it in my pocket. Let's see if it flies," and he tossed it down a crack in a vent on the floor where it clanged somewhere on the lower deck.
party Hardy "Well, there goes that theory," Colen sighed and stood up and headed to the door, when he heard a loud shout from bbelow in the vent where the dkey had fallen.
"Huh?" he turned and Alrina looked worried.
Katie Eighty "Would you two knock that off? My bald spot!" cried an angry man from below the vent.
"Uh, sorry about that,," colen turned to Alrina for some guideance, "um, can we get out of here, sir?"
Jess "I guess so," the man grumbled and he rounded the corner outside the room and opened the door, "don't panick, though. We're on a detour."
HE had a bulldogish face and wore a silvery jumpsuit as he led Colen and Alrina out onto the first lower deck where other pointed eared beings chattered and wandered in an out of rooms, all looking as grouchy as the bald guy.
"Detour? Then what?" Colen asked.
hate radio ads once more "OH, well, around some wormholes. Would hate to get sucked into one and blasted back into time...or the future. Trying to get to albertane."
"Where?" Colen felt lost.
"Our home planet. ah, it'd be so nice to get there. Then we can run around in our underwear and not shave. Here we have to look presentable in clothes and shaven while traveling aroun the universe. Have to look smarter than we really are...duhduh."
Jess "By the way,a'" the guy added with a dopy smile, "can I keep ttthat funny thing you dropped on my head? It's such a pretty color, all red like that."
"It's rusty," Colen told him, "and, uh, no, can I have it back? I think I might need it." Colen remebered the words of the fortuneteller and thought if everything else had come true so would that need for the key.
Wikipedia Gut! Sehr schoen seite! ^^ Wirklich! :)
Sinus Strikes Again! Gag... "But you threw it on my head!" protested the bald man in a whiny tone, "therefore, you really didn't want it. Please, pretty please, give it back to me?"
"No. It's mine." Colen thrust the key into his back pocket and stepped away from the man when suddenly the whole ship shook and alarms wailed.
snuffles "Everyone, shnneeki shooklieya calmamamam chameleonl!"
"What's that mean?" Colen cried desperately as he slid to the floor and the ship tilted sideways.
"It means stay calm, we're falling into a wormhole," Alrina/Sherry told him, "it's actually not a good thing when Albertanians speak their native tongues."
Lost Andro of the shifters Everything in the room buzzed, blinked and rocked and Colen once more was knocked out against the wall...
Jess When his eyes fluttered opened and he'd looked around, colen was shocked at what he saw...
"My old my apartment..."
It was true. Somehow, Dr. Colen Rotz had been thrown into his past, over twenty years worth when he lived in his cheap highrise before actually getting his PHD. Maybe, maybe this meant...
"No, I refuse to repeat what happens in the next fifteen years. That was too much paperwork!"
Jess "Hello? Anyone here?" he wandered around seeing if any of the albertanians or Sherry were anywhere. NO one. Just the city's din of traffic from outside on a darkening polluted city below. Colen even found his rubber-band ball collection in the smushed shoe box under his bed and the rotten Burger King burger.
"Now all I need is for Dr. Emmit Brown to call me..." he smiled, but only a little.
Crosswired The strangled wail of the phone rang behind him and he ripped the receiver from the cradle.
"Get me out of here!" he shouted into the phone.
"Colen? Is that you?" said ahopeful, raspy voice...
"Who's this?"
"It's who? Not that showoff Michael J. fox, I hope. He needs help on his ego after being in that time travel thing, the same thing I'm stuck in! Please, tell me who this is?"
"Well, if you'd shut your yapper, I'd tell you, Doc! It's...
Sunny "It'sme, John Fredo."
"What? Jonny Fredo? My neighbor across the hallway? I thought you had some big cappuchino company going. You don't have time for socializatoin, which is quite a hazard to your mental--"
"Listen to me!"
Sunny "While meditating on my medicine ball and looking to the Caffeine gods for a new flavor, I saw you, colen."
"Yes, you. You have a skate key in your left back pocket, right?"
"Uh, yes I do," Colen said with surprise as he fingered the little key, "so?"
Crosswired I need it."
"Why? It's my key of salvation, although it hasn't done much saving yet," mutttered Colen angrily.
"Huh? Oh, but I need it."
Crossiwred "You just get me back to the present time I belong in, Johnboy! You're behind this somehow, just all those other Albertanians and Paranoids or whatever they were!"
In a fury Colen thrust the phone onto the floor and it shattered into a milllion bits.
"Piece of junk!Help meeeeee, someone!" colen wailed out the window to an icecream truck that tinkled out some reptitive melody.
Jess IT was then Colen's foot bumped something hard on the floor under the little gumball machine next to him.
He looked down and saw a square safe he'd forgotten about and had lost the key for and realized his skate key was the right size for it.
Jess "Holy cats and caterpillars! My old collection..." eagerly he turned the keyy key and the creaky heavy led door of the safe swung open, a musty stentch of paper wafting his way.
With lighted eyes Colen knelt and kissed his collection of...
Automobile Ooo.! Gut Seite:) Sehr schoen!
Happy G "my savings! My lottery money I refused to spend...and then did on opening my own professional clinic for people like sherry. Oh, I don't do that for another thre years after my PHD. Hmmm."
cryptic fox colen fingered the wasds of paper bills slowly, sniffing the musty hundred dollar bills, and thinking some more.
"I could easily spend this money on something I always wanted. Here's my chance to reverse the mess I'd originally gotten myself into. If my theory's correct, I could change my own destiny. why did I ever think becoming a therapist was my true calling?"
Cryptic fox--sneaky sneaky He grinned mischiviously and chuckled to himself as he rubbed two grubby hands together. Yes, he could be that famous poet he always thought would never be. But now, nothing mattered. He was stuck in this time and didn't know how to go back to the present on the albertanian ship and so would become a poet. The poet everyone said would never pay the bills.
Crosswired He went out loaded with his money in his wallet and bought a dozen cartons of chocla mulhca chocolate chocolate fudge cake icecream and a towering stack of sappy romance movies that reminded him of his dead wife...or the wife he still would meet in the future. He kicked back in his old sagging reclining and cried over a bolw of his fudgey icecream.
Crosswired In the wee hours of the morning with an empty bowl of sticky cherries and Cool Whip on the arm of the chair, the TV screen blank, Colen wondered what the whole meaning of life was. And why that stupid key had such a prophetic meaning? Was he supposed to use it to open his vault of money won from a lottery ticket and spend it on useless movies that only made him depressed? Icecream that tasted sweet as--
Jess "Well, if I didn't become a therapist...what about Sherry and her people? Is it worth repeating all this? Where is she now?" all these thoughts ran through his foggy brain when suddenly, the phone rang...
"maybe I can't change my destiny," Colen feared as he slowly rose to answer the phone.
Jess "Whoever you are, make it fast. I'm about to change my destiny," colen said inot the receiver.
"Colen, honey," said a vaguely familiar voice, "I found some of your old Captain Underwear undies," his mother said proudly, "and they broght so many old memories back. Remember those days when we made tomato pie together?" she sounded tearful now.
Jess, snickering "Uuuhhh," something loud and annoying buzzed off in colen's mind. alarm bells? No, something louder. Sirens, he concluded. Yes, he'd never gotten a call in the past from his mother about finding his old underwear she kept in a chest that he'd worn as a child. That only meant one thing. That he'd already altered his past somehow and wondered if it wwaswas for good or for worse...
Croswired "I gotta go, Mom. Hey, what time is it anyway?"
"Five-thirty, dear.You weren't up watching silly old romances were you? Well, neMartha Stuart. IT comes on soon." .
whoa, screwed up there "Five-thirty, dear. You weren't up watching silly romances were you? OH, Martha Stewart's going to come on. I bettter go soon."
"But you hate that show..."
"What? Coleflour, I adore her! YOU know that! You're so silllly sometimes."
Jazzy Jane His mother gave a last ta-ta and hung up quickly, leaving colen in a silent and unfamiliar apartment he once knew but now didn't. He wondered just how much of his life in the past had changed.
"I wonder if I'm still taking those doctrit classes?" he searched through every drawer but found no sign that he was studying to become a therapist.
Jazy "Oh, shnickedy doodles. Now what? What am I doing here? Do I have a job? Who's payin the rent here?" he wandered around while munching cornpops from the box as the morning dragged on. Everything outside looked the same and the furniture and all was his own. But it was all so bizarre.

finally, he couldn't take it anymore.
Jess HE collapsed in a heap on the cereal box in the dinky kitchen and cried outfor his dead wife.
"Sweetie, what's going on?" he whined.
The ghost of his wife appeared in front of him, her arms crossed.
"Colen, get up. Listen, there's a way out of this time warp. And there's the choice to stay in it as a poet who meets an Australian at Dunk N Doughnuts."
Peachy Keen Colen looked up at her.
"An Ausi? A...a girl?"
"Yeah, the future wife who's a talented artist who paints koala bears for a living. Look, I can show you out of this which would bring you to the present time you were in before this happend or you stay here and live a new life, one where you never meet me. One
peachykeen where you never become a therapist and tap into your feminine side and get creative and never meet a Sherry blond who's presently in her own past considering joining the circus because of clown personality she has. IT's up to you..."
Crosswired "I hate decisions. You always made them for me."
"Well, I can't this time. Better hurry up, cole. I got a celestial appointment to upgrade my phantom light. It's dimming out here. Need more drama." the light around her flickered pitifully.
"Uh...uh, I don't know." colen went over the options. No way did he want to actually go back to the Albertanian ship.
Bluejay Young "Are you sure that in the alternative timeline I never get to be with you? And we never get to drink vodka blushes in the moonlight and dance to Stevie Wonder?"

"That's right," she said wistfully.

"Then I know what my decision is. I'm going back to the Albertanians. Show me the way out of this."
Bluejay Young "Darling! Are you -- sure?"

"I'm positive. Knowing what I know now, I can change my life in the future. The possibilities are without limit! I can do practically anything!"

Mrs. Ross wondered if her husband had been mentally influenced by Allison or was just on another of his own ego trips....
Romaine Didn't matter. "All right. Take all the money you haven't spent also, those romance movies and call Johnny Fredo back."

Colon stuffed everything into a suitcase, along with clean underwear and his Captain Zen secret decoder...
Jess, in wonder """Hold it there," Colen paused at the doorway, "call back Johnny? Why? he wanted that key of mine...I guess he can have it now."
"Just give him the key, then. Then listen to me and I'll get you back in a jiffy," his phantom wife said.
scratchy Colen nocked on Johnny Fredo's door, and it opened instatly, the aroama of fudge pecan double nutty buddy wafting out into the hallway.
woops and Johnny peered out.
"Ye'e'e'ess?" he said with a grin.
"Here's the skate key. I changed my mind about it,:" colen said quickly and turned away, suitcase in hand.
"Hey, thanks, pal. Hey, where ya going?"
"OUt. ON a trip to...uh, well, my brother's for the weekend."
"Really? I thought your brother lived--"
"I know. Gotta go. miss my flight!"
rachael Pie "Okay, now what?" colen looked around the empty elevator as he descended to the first floor.
"Now," his ghost wife said beside him, "you'll exit the building and then I'll take you to a "bend" in time that'll take you right back to the present moment before the wormhole accident."
"But what if it repeats itself again?"
Rachael "IT won't because I'm taking yu right after it happened--the part you didn't see since you, in this new version of time, won't have gone into it. then the ship will have landed on Albertane and then whatever happens, happens."
Rachael "great goolosh," mumbled colen as he hurried out of the building and onto the polluted streets, rounding the back of the building to the dumpster.
"So I stand here and what?" Colen asked, scraping an old popcicle stick from his shoe.
"Now just stand still and I'll do the rest." His former wife encircled him in a ring of blue fiery light. The earth shook around Colen and then everything darkened...
Rachael, laughing "I always fall into some dark pit or something," thought colen as he traveled through the dark, swirling light, seeing blurred imageds of his childhood, his wedding, Sherry...the purple elves...the bearded lady...his first client and how nervous he was...his proud office...his prized Captain Xen Decoder....
writer's blockhead "Here I am again," thought colen as he Albertanian who ran around the room, the alarms blaring as the ship tilted violently to either side.
"Colen, this way," it was Sherry who grabbed his arm and led him out of the room and through a short coridore.
Confuzzled they entered what looked like a walk-in closet only with florescent lights and a steel floor.
"quiet. We're going to get out of here. We're about to land on their planet and managed to miss the wormhole. Once we're on their planet, I'm going to get us back to Earth."
Peaches "Really? How?"
"NO time for that. You'll se."
then the ship shuddered and the engines quieted as it settled onto Planet Albertane at last.
Quickly colen and Sherry dashed off the ship with the other Albertanians and walked outside into a bright world of sunlight and polka-dotted pink and purple skies.
Albertanians in their underwear and with long beards greeted the newly arrived Albertanians, huggning and blowing each other kisses.
OH, joy The city of Albertane lay ahead of Sherry aand Colen, with shopping malls of many underwear styles and spotted houses and cars resembling feet.
"Now where do we go?" Colen wondered aloud as they walked along the busy sidewalk.
Marshwiggle "Follow me," Sherry said, leading colen on to an alleyway where many cats sang the blues and in one brick wall of an adjacent building was a minature square door colen had to duck through to get in.
Curious "Hey, this is freaky," colen thought to himself as he emerged on the other side, xpecting to be in a room of some sort but found that he was standing in a place of gray light.
"Sherry, what is this?"
"The in-between place of the universe. One of my people, Albrina, told me to go here. IT's secret and..."
Ffrustrated "Like zero space?" Colen asked, waving his hands around the empty void around him. So quiet it was.
"NO, more like...well, I can't talk anymore. But we have to get going," Sherry took hold of Colen's hand.
"Now what?"
Hmmm "Now, we go back home." Sherry smiled and winked cooly as they leapt into the gray vastness beyond....
Oooo They scrmeaed as they flew through the place of no gravity and nothingness but gray all around...
colen wondered if Sherry knew what she was actualy doing?
"If I don't get out of this," Colen vowed, "I'll need a therapy session or two."
CrCrosswired Then, it happend. The light flashed before them and a burst of noise invaded their ears as a uge dump truck came rumbling past them on the smoggy city streets.
"Hey! Aliens! Just out of nowhere" cried a chubby man in front of them.
CW "Huh? Sherry, we're back!" Colen hugged Sherry with ecstacy and turned to the big man who still ate half a sloppy sub sandwich, "hey, who you calling aliens? We're back home! WE did it!" Colen yelled again, and jumped up and down like a jerk.
CW the chubby guy dropped his sandwich with surprrise and gaped at Sherry with her wild blond hair and spaceship Albertanian red jumpsuit she didn't take off as Albrina, and then at Colen who still danced to the tune of an oncoming ice cream truck.
"Colen! Look out!"
Gasp! The screeching brakes didn't help much with the icecream tuen still playing jauntily as it came straight at Colen who danced in the street and hummed, then screamed when he saw the truck. It was too late.

Boom! Colen went downh, the truck halted, and onlookers gasped.
Uh-oh "where am I?" Colen blinked in a daze in the bright lights.
"You're in St. Pattty's hospital, in the ER," said an unfamiliar deadpan voice.
"Who are you?" Colen asked groggily.
"Dr. Botchup. You were hit by an icecream truck. Broke a few ribs and a pinky toe but you'll be fine in no time."
"What? OuchQ! My first day back on Earth and I get hit by my favorite dessert?" colen wined.
laughing Jess "Come again?" said the doctor.
"Come again to Earth, I said. Then hit by a blessed truck of chochamulka chocolate chocolate chunk fudgecake icecream and this is what I end up with? You know what this means, Dr. Blotchy?"
"Yeah. Right. This means no more...
Nameless "IT means I'm stuck here!" cried Colen in despair.
"Now, Mr. rotz, just calm down. You've had a traumatic experience."
"Yeah, like you wouldn't believe."
"I know it's embarrassing to be hit by an--urg--hahaha--icecream truck..."
Noname "You're not taking me seriously here, Doc," Colen seethed, "can't I just go home and recover?"
"No. Not for quite a few more days, I'm afraid. Now, the nurse will come and chekc your tempeature."
"My what? Is this a mirage?"
"I wishh it were so," mumbled Dr. Botchup as he turned away and walked out of the room.
smily "Send in Sherry, please," said Colen after the nurse had checked him over.
"Alright, deary," she said and Sherry popped in the room.
"OH, colen. You look awful. Don't worry, I brought you some icecream," she handed Colen a chocolate cone.
"Great. Treat me with the thing that got me in this mess," mumbled Colen.
SmSmily "Wish we had a genie to get us out of this, don't you?" Colen said as he ate his icecream.
Suddenly, there appeared a fat brown little man out of Colen's icecream cup.
"Whoa!" Colen shouted.
"Whoa isn't my name, Master. It's Woo Goroo. Now, make a wish and make it snappy. I gotta wedgie."
laugh, laugh--who neddsne
woopsy "Uh, I wish I wasn't here with broken ribs and a broken little toe."
Swish! colen found himself back in his living room, holding...nothing in his hands, i nno pain.
"Hey! That's so cool!" cried Colen.
"I know. Don't get too used to it, though. You only have one more wish," the genie told him.
moldy oldy "What? You ripped me off. I'm supposed to get three--"
"I know! Three wishes!" cried the Genie with exasperation, "but I was the runt of the family and someone didn't pay the magic bill last month. So two will have to do or nada. Now, what'll it be, buddy?"
"Um," Colen thought real hard...
"I wish..." he looked up to the cieling for inspiration, "I really wish my wife was alive to paint that ugly cieling."
olly cat s's's's's'wish!!!!
There was a burst of dust and a rush of wind and then stillness and there stood Mrs. Rotz, covered in spattered paint, the furniture all over the place as she stood on a ladder, painting over the old peeling cieling.
"Honey!" colen was filled with elation.
Loyal Kitty "NOt now, Colen," she said wearily with a wave of the brush, spattering white paint over Colen's glasses, "I'm in an artistic mood," and she painted a few triangles here and there.
"What's that all about?" Colen cried with frustration at this attitude.
"whatever you want them to b. Modern art, sweetie. It's all how you look at it."
LK colen looked and saw the brown genie yawning with bordom and making faces at himself in the dusty TV screen, then stopped whenh he caught Colen watching.
"Uh, Genie?" Colen started, "could we make it so she's not painting? I was kidding around when I said that. It wasn't my real wish."
"Too late, buddy," said the genie snarkily.
tired for this but laughing "but I hate it when she's in this mood. this so-caleled creative mood," colen emphasized with a finger at his oblyvious wife stil painting away without noticeing anything around her.
"Nope. Told ya, we can't give you three because--h, whatever," the genie waved a disgusted hand, "just enjoy her. She's all yours and I'm late for Swedish meatball. Bye!"
Jeeze "Um, honey? You can stop painting now," colen said with hope.
"Oh, not yet. I just started. See? I still have twenty more Pathagreum triangles to paint. He was such a brilliant mind, wasn't that guy?"
"I don't remember meeting him."
"Well, I did, in some other place I don't recall."
Colen had forgotten how his wife was so stubborn when it came to stopping in the middle of a project. she had to finish every piece of it or you'd crazy listening to her.
dry laundry cat Finally, Colen's wife had completed the whole living room cieling all clean white by evening and she cooked him a delicious meal of onion salad with shrimp smothered in tobasco sauce.
"How I've forgotten," Colen said dreamily as they sat in candlelight around their plastic table, "how beautiful of a cook you are. How my life is finally back on track."
sleepy peeper "What? Is that all you can say about me?" his wife gave him an indignent look and rose from the table.
"OH, but I haven't seen you in years and years. You died, see. I wished on a genie--I mean a genie granted me a wish that you'd be here--uh, painting the cieling."
"You're as crazy as your clients and those people living in their minds."
yawn! "No," Colen jumped up and knocked over his salad that spilled over his feet, "wait, where're you going? "
"to Debbie Bobebbie's house!" cried his wife as she grabbe a suitcase and toothbrush from a cupboard an and headed out the door, "I need a girl's night out. Sorry, cole. I can't take this anymore..."
colen stopped dead in his tracks, watching with horror as his wife left the house and started up the car.
suspended in suspense "the sceen played out in Colen's mind. His wife driving away in the car, going to her friend's house to get away from him...not coming back...
"I can't let it happen again!" he bounded afafter the Shevvy in bare feet covered in tobasco sauce down the street in the darkness, wondering what he could do to stop it...wondering if the same event that killed his wife would play out again.
Crosswired He held his breath as he watched the car turn the corner and out of sight.Listening for screeching tires. Something. Nothing.
"aaahh," he breathed with relief, his heart still jump-roping in his chest.
Had he really changed his destiny? to relive a life he thought he'd never get?
Wondering, he returned home and watched a rerun of Golden girls in honor of his wife, who was a fan of the show.
Chris Akanora & Jay Young Just when Sophia was about to say something hilariously pithy, the telephone rang.

Colon picked it up on the first ring, hoping against hope it was his wife calling to say she was sorry. Instead, he heard a familiar deep voice...
Jay Young & Chris Akanora "So, I see you made it back in one piece. Didn't you wonder what happened to me?"

"Androgyna! My God!" Colon sat up, spilling his Diet 7-up as he muted the TV. "Where on earth have you been?"

"'On earth' doesn't exactly describe it..."
Make use of it! I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you!
1 step left to your destination! Very interesting website. Keep up the outstanding work and thank you...
Buy cheap products online! Nice site... Cool guestbook...
Make use of it! You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it.
1 step left to your destination! You have an outstanding good and well structured site. I enjoyed browsing through it.
1 step left to your destination! Cool guestbook, interesting information... Keep it UP. excellent site i really like your stuff.
Buy cheap products online! Looking for information and found it at this great site...
1 step left to your destination! Excellent site, added to favorites!!
Useful info on vicodin Nice site... Cool guestbook...
Buy cheap products online! Thank you for your site. I have found here much useful information...
1 step left to your destination! Excellent site, added to favorites!!
hate ads!!! Back to the story!
Shifter "Well, where then?" Colen asked with great intrigue.
"A place between here and reality. Those gypsies sure knew how to get me into a good trance. Ah, it was beautiful but the whole time I had to watch you through it all."
"Huh? I don't get it."
"A vision. I saw visions of you and how stupid you are!"
"Does this mean I have to repaet them all over again?" Colen felt fearful.
Shifter "No, thank Shiva. But you now have a new reality ahead of you. Sherrys been looking around for a good therapist. She's hoping someone can get this annoying old lady who steals candy bars for fun out of her system. But only that one person."
"Why not you do it? You're, intuned."
"Thanks, but I can't stand that lady."
priclel foot! "so you're recommending I see her as a client? I already do--hlholy cattails! You mean she's not on file anymore? I changed that much reality?!" cried cole.
"Exactly what I'm saying. Ding, ding, ding. Wake up in there, Rotz. Look, just treat her like you always did but this time, be more open to what she says, okay?"
Crosswired "So does this mean me and my wife can renew our vows?"
"Don't get all romantic on me. Yeah, if you really want to know the answer is yes. She won't die. The reason she died before was because she partied too much at a friend's house and walked out in front of a Pepsi truck drunk on cheap wine. But that was because you did'nt pay very much attention to her."
cat's meow "You mean get all sensative and all that? I can't do that--that's just"
"colen," Androgyna warned, "that's how she got upset and died before. You weren't sensative to your wife's needs and feelings. all you cared about was your job. Your ego."
"that kind of hurts. Watch it."
Jen and Jesse "Look," Androgyna told him, "this is the last time you'll hear from me. I'm leaving on another mission to Tahiti. Just listen to what I told you and everything will go peachy."
"Leaving? But--but--but you're so interesting. I mean--"
"Please, you're spitting on my end of the phone. I have to go..."
the line crackeld and then there was silence."
Cutter Sighing, colen hung up the phone and sat down writing in his dusty diary all the adventures he'd encountered all this time. His capture and his time traveling episode. The elves of the Purple Mountain and everything up to this very moment...
duran wolf "Colen Cakes, what are you doing?" his wife was standing over him and Colen realized he was lying on the couch with the diary opened, pages wet with his drool when he'd slept with his mouth open.
"Uh, whah?" he struggled to break through his brain's fog as he looked around the lighted room.It was morning then.
"Writing in your Hello Kitty diary I finally see," pointed out his wife with a bright smile.
"Um, yeah."
Duran Wolf "H"Hey, how was Debbbie Bobebbie's sleepover?" colen started, recalling the words of Androgyna.
"Oh, disgusting. Her dog Shaggy drooled all over my Strawberry PJ's and the bed fell apart during the night. I had to sleep on the kitchen counter and this stupid mouse named, Stuart Little, kept stealing my cheese ritz Crackers from my purse. I wanted to straggled the little rat."
Buy cheap products online! Nice site... Cool guestbook...
Buy cheap products online! Very interesting website. Keep up the outstanding work and thank you... Hola me encanta el trabajo que estan haciendo y me encantaria poder participar.
flossy "You should have. You would be in a better mood."
"What? Are you implying I'm a grouch?" his wife grabbed his diary from his hands and womped him on the head with it.
"Owy!" Colen rubbed his head, "you're mean--I mean tired."
Jesse "You're right. I'm going to take a nap," she yawned and padded into the bedroom and crashd on the bed, and the whole frame smashed to the flor.
yawn "This is boring," Colen slammed his Hello Kitty diary shut and dust flew up in his face, causing him to cough like he had some terrrible disease. as he walked outside to get the newspaper.
"colen, gotta stop smoking those cigars," said a nosy neighbor trimming their rosebushes next door.
"OH, mind your own--"
april showers "own--whah?!" Colen cried out with disbelief as he looked at the paper's front page. His hair stood straight up and danced the Electric slide and his hands began to shake as he wobbly returned to the house where he sat down on the kitchen floor and...he was too shockd to know
april know what to do. He didn't know whether to cry, continue shaking or to scream. It was just so awful. So terribly tragic and it had to do with him and it had to wreck his day.
"Why did I get the stupid paper?" he cursed the mailbox and reread the headlines once again. They said...
John (yes, John) AKAI RICE BUYS OUT LOTUS APPLIANCES In a surprise move to consolidate its holdings, Akai Rice has bought out the Lotus toilet company, makers of the LotuSmart toilet seat. A spokesman for Akai said "This will ensure that we can get the customers at both ends -- er, coming and going."
Skater Cat "Aaaaahhh!"
"Colen, shut up, I'm trying to sleep!" yelled his wife, and threw a pillow out the bedroom door in his direction.
colen grabbed the pillow and continued to scream into it till he was out of breath.
"This just made my day," he said and tore up the front page and threw it out the window.
Skater Cat "I can't let it get to me," colen said as he paced the kitchen and wondered what to do next. The rice gave him the willies after being locked up with Dr. Power Hog. All they fed Colen was Akai Rice. HE feard they were after him again....
""All in your head. You're paranoid. stop it," he scolded himself.
Olly Finally his wife woke up later that afternoon and together she and Colen went out for lunch to Joey's Diner, a crowded rowdy place where guys played Chinese Checkers while waiting impatiently for their grilled cheese sandwich because they're too lazy to make their own at home.
"this is nic," Colen's wife said, and sipped some Chlorinated ice water as they waited for their Balony and cheese sandwiches.
Duran Wolf "You meant nice, right?" colen said, coloring shapes with the crayons on his kiddy paper placematt.
"No, nic. Not nice."
"Huh. Well, this is a really boring part of my life. I mean, where's the action?"
Crosswired "You know," colen broke the yellow crayon in half with frustration, "you're alive, and my life's different now. So, we're just sitting here in some dinky diner doing nothing. No one wants to watch us eat sandwiches and hear us chatter about...Akai Rice."
"Colen, don't be rude. You said you'd take me out to lunch. who's watching us but those bored enough to actually do so, right? Who cares?"
Summer "I do!" and with that, Colen threw the rest of the chewed crayons across the room at the approaching waitress who stopped and tossed a lemon at colen's face.
"Hey, now we're getting somewhere, colen threw the dented lemon back at the waitress and she hurried back to the kitchen.
"What in the world are you doing!?" cried his wife incredulously.
summer "Honey, I'm tired of being chased. Falling. Being followed. Watched. Having purple elves tell me how stupid I am
whoops Colen continued, "Androgyna telling me all the horrible foreseen things of my life. Akai Rice taking over toilets. Poor Sherry being locked up in jail for an old lady in her personality system stealing a candy bar because she was bored...oh, I just want to enjoy myself. Get away with things for once. Just once."
Pinball eyes "I've had it with you!" cried his wife and jumped up from the table.
"Wait, the action's just starting," Colen went after his wife outside the diner and into the parking lot.
"Jeanne, don't do this," Colen begged on his knees.
"I'm leaving you," his wife said under menacing arched eyebrows.
dinoache Jeanne rotz hopped into the car and pealed away with screaming brakes down the street and out of sight. Out of the city.
colen watched in hopelessness in the middle of the parking lot next to a really sexy-looking picup truck with a drooling retriever in the frontseat looking at him through the window.
"dude," said the dog suddenly as colen looked back at it, "get a grip"
Flossy "huh? Get a grip? Is that all you can say!?" Colen screamed and threw a lintball from his pocket at the dog's face.
"I'm just saying what the script says."
"y "Yeah, well I wish this whole story would end! It gets worse and worse just when I think it's getting better," colen whined oncue.
Flossy "Well," the dog smiled, "if that's what you want. I mean, it's your story." (he looks out at the audience for their approval.)
"So, can we just end this thing?" colen asks weakly.
"Well, it's up to the readers now. All up to you out there," the dog peers out at everyone reading this rediculously long and plotless story.
John "It depends. Where did it all go wrong?"

"I think," said a voice not quite in his head, "it began when you wouldn't accept your own pluralanity."
Jesse "Pluralanity? what a sophisticated word that I've been telling myself I would never claim to have," thought Colen and leaned against the picup truck.
"So true. but it is true. You've been ignoring me and the others for so long, colen," replied the voice, this time clearer.
Jess "I don't quite get it."
"Think about it," said another new voice, this one more persuasive than the first, "think of all the times you've acted out of your usual self. How you heard those anchovies speaking on pizza. that was part of us. How you feel about your wife and Purple Elves."
Hmmmmm "ah, so true," colen considered and remembered all he'd been through. All his mixed feelings. all the "voices" he tried so hard to block out for so many years and denying such a multi-dimentional personlaity and view of himself. so clear was the truth now. No wonder he found sherry so interesting to be around, and not in a therapist kind of way.
can't sleep, better to read this colen shut his eyes and focused his mind, listening to the many voices all rising up in his mind. Pleased voices that they were being heard and recognized. People within. there was the child in him who loved icecream. The paranoid one who wimped out when it came to conflict. the @#$%y one who thought he was better than everyone around him and the selfish teenager wanting the attention. the party guy on weekends...drinking all that beer to look cool. Then the grouchy therapist noone even liked.
can't sleep, better to read this colen shut his eyes and focused his mind, listening to the many voices all rising up in his mind. Pleased voices that they were being heard and recognized. People within. there was the child in him who loved icecream. The paranoid one who wimped out when it came to conflict. the @#$%y one who thought he was better than everyone around him and the selfish teenager wanting the attention. the party guy on weekends...drinking all that beer to look cool. Then the grouchy therapist noone even liked.
ooo The grouchy therapist noone even liked. why? Why didn't anyone like that side of him? That professional person who supposedly helped those with the sudden thing happening in his head right then? could he live this way? How did the others like sherry do it? Well, it was obvious he'd been living with it all this time and never knew it. why it happened didn't matter. all that mattered now was getting to know these new inner friends of his.
He smiled.
no name With a new sense of peace, Colen made his way down the street and listened to the voice of the child point out all the stores and boring banks they passed.
"We're going to visit my friend Sherry and her innerselves," colen said to the child, who said his name was Nicky.

"I hate akai rice," Nicky mentioned as they passed a chain of akai Rice restaurants.
colen chuckled and knew just what Nicky meant.
raindrop when they'd reached Sherry's apartment, Colen was bursting with excitement that he hadn't felt in years. He couldn't wait to tel Sherry about what he'd come to accept in himself.
"Sherrry!" Colen hugged Sherry, and then Colen/Nicky laughed when they saw sherry's poofed up blond hair dyed with pink polka dots.
"I'm going clown style," said Sherry, "Jezzzy is crazy over clowns."
"Sherry, I know who I am--I mean, we are!"
eyes stuck open eyes widening, she smiled
classical rascal "You've finally woke up!" cried Sherry and embraced Colen eagerly.
"Yes, I'm plural, like yourselves. No wonder I'm lousy at my job. I just can't make those inner people of my clients leave them. No, I quit as a therapist. You know, I always wanted to write poetry."
Sunburst And so that's just what colen did. He quit being a therapist and got right to work polishing up old poems stashed in his dusty Hello Kitty diary and got a whole pile of them published a short time later. they were quite popular and spoke of plurality, his insane adventures and most of all, his deep opposition to akai Rice.

Sunburst And so that's just what colen did. He quit being a therapist and got right to work polishing up old poems stashed in his dusty Hello Kitty diary and got a whole pile of them published a short time later. they were quite popular and spoke of plurality, his insane adventures and most of all, his deep opposition to akai Rice.

RRhymershouse But maybre that's what happened. No one is for sure... Some say he actually liked Akai Rice after this.
man from Milwakki And what about sherry and all thatwas just left hanging for the readers to guess at?
Well, it's believed Colen fell in love with Sherry, particularly andrianna, a romantic Irish lass who knew how to have a great time and to have perfect dinners by candlelight. They eloped and moved
Dragona ...moved to Los angelous, California where they lived in a beautiful house and became well-known. Yes, colen and Sherry were finally truly happy--together.

The Whole Gang of Us THANK YOU! *applause*
Jay: YAY! That's a wrap!
Chris: With lamb, zaziki, tomato, onion and spinach - NO AKAI RICE!
Andy: And a bottle of Guinness Harp Lager to one & all! Thank you!
Gabe: Don't forget to check out Neil Young's new album!
John: We'll be back with another exciting storyline very soon!

Add-on Story Archives Many more stories from past editions of the infamous add-on.

The current add-on story is at:

Brought to you by...

NOOOO, not Akai Rice!
Astraea's Bookstore... a full line of books on multiplicity & beyond

Click here for our archive of past add-on stories

[ Email | Back to Silly | Astraea Home | Multiple Personality | Religion | Politics ]