The Heroes: Lois Lane & Clark Kent
Title: The Rumors Behind The News
Theme: "Lois and Clark" style. Clark uncovers a conspiracy.
|| On a Monday morning in late October, Clark was sitting at his desk in the Daily Planet, when ...|
|| ...when he suddenly had a crisis that even his alterego could not handle.|
He had no fricking clue what to write.
Yeah. Super secret super strength vs. THE PRINTER DEADLINE. That really works.
|| He'd tried tossing pencils at the ceiling, but stopped when he accidentally wedged one in the NO-Noize(tm) foam panels.|
That 2B was going to be a permanent resident of the ceiling, he decided.
|| the No-Noize(tm) foam panel was now damaged, and therefore able to make noise, so it began yelling at the man below about the pencil lodged in itself: "2B or not 2B - that is the question!"|
|| So, while thinking, he began lightly tapping a tune on the desk. Not the best of ideas, he realised, as he noted the dents and fractures caused by his rendition of "Camptown Races".|
He heard muffled laughter near the water cooler, and looked over to see Jimmy Olsen who had ...
|| been passing around a set of pictures he'd snapped, candid shots of politicians, mostly....|
|| Lois Lane dashed in, waving a copy of the "Morning Star", the Planet's biggest rival newspaper. "What is the meaning of this headline?!?!" she demanded in a voice that could curdle Akai rice. She slammed the paper down on Clark's desk. The banner headline read...|
|| "Superman Seen Entering Motel with Goat, Eggplants, Peyote!!!"|
The blood drained from Clark's face faster than a two-bit hooker with a habit to feed. He frantically reviewed the last few nights. Was it true?
|| The more Clark thought about the cute pink goat, the funnier it seemed, and he just sat there giggling to himself.|
Lois looked over from her desk and saw what Clark was up to. "Hey! Share!"
|| Clark looked bewilderedly at the sheet of paper halfway out of his typewriter. Somehow, most of what he had written over the last couple of hours had mysteriously vanished!|
|| Very nice site! Good work. http://www.sessit.port5.com
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imparare Interesting comments.. :D http://www.j2ack.org/imparare|
|| And was replaced by webspam!|
As he tried to figure out exactly how his old school typewriter got a computer virus, Lois grabbed the sheet of paper from the malfunctioning device.
"What's this?" she asked, after reading it.
"Must be Lex Luthor's doing," he muttered to himself. Lois looked at him like he was crazy.
"Why would Lex Luthor sabotage your article?"
Darn, she heard him. He had to think quick...
|| But he couldn't think of anything. @#$% his rotten luck. Growling, he threw the offending typewriter across the newspaper office. It hit thecorner of Louis's desk with a dull thump and a horde of...|
|| gremlins came pouring out. Turns out they'd hid inside his typewriter...One raced up Lois's back and perched on her shoulder. "Itwas not Luther." he chittered,|
"It was all meeee.Bwahahahahahahahahah!" *cue evil maniacal gremlin laugh* Clark wentlooking for a fly swatter...
|| but all he could find was a glob of year-old Akai rice stuck on the underside of his desk. Ah..This should be hard enough. He lobbed the glob of hardened rice at the gremlin which toppled off Lois's shoulderand straight into the water cooler where it floundered and burbledwith the ball of rice on its head like a hat.|
|| Unfortunately, Perry White chose THAT moment to come barrelling out of his
office. "KENT! What in the name of Elvis is going on out here?" "That's what I'd
like to know," Lois said, brushing the gremlin dust off...|
|| suddenly the ball of rice started glowing bright green and started wobbling about like a quivering jelly. lois stared mindlessly at the ball of rice, not
knowing exactly what was happening. 'am i hallucinating?', she thought.|
|| Jim Olsen came over and snapped a few pictures, of course ....|
|| From his desk, Clark cowered. Cryptonite. His energy began to drain as he leaned against his desk for support. "Clark, you threw this. What in Elvis's name isthis?" Perry lifted the glowing wad of Akai rice.|
|| "Uh, be right back," Clark gulped. "Diarrheha, sir," and bolted off for the bathroom.|
|| "Jimmy! Lois! GEt cracking and stop staring like a bunch of ninnies," Perry snapped his chubby fingers, "I'm going to have this--this glowing Akai ball taken to Dr. NItwit's lab. This is big stuff!" Perry, with the green glowing wad of Akai only growing larger, waddled off to his office. "And more jelly doughnuts, the good ones!"|
|| floating on his tropical cherry LIfesaver tuby, LEx Luther fumed as he floated in his huge indoor swimming pool. "Superman," he sneered to himself as usual. "Pooperman. It wont' vbe easy, not after Pinky has the control of your mind." Yes, PInky, the pink mind-controlling, biomechanical, latest breakthrough with Lex's secret scheming henchman|
|| would soon have the control of everyone's mind under Lex's command. PInky was a walking, sophisticated computer--complete with AVG software and Google protected. But LEx's attempt to gather some data from those at the Cheapskate motel had been foiled by Superman.|
|| "Soon and very soon," LEx pulled a wedgiefrom his spungebob swim trunks and ended up flipping himself off the tube and into the water. "Mommy, I can't swim!" he shoutd, and the screen fades to black. Cut!|
|| "Clark? ARe you okay?" Lois asked sweetly as Clark stepped out of the men's room after flushing the toilet a million times to pretend he had the runs. "Yes, just racing stripes. YOu see that Zebra lately?" he forced a laugh as they reutnred eturned to their desks. "Clark, it's not funny." "Lois, nothing's funny to you."|
|| Clark sat down at his typewriter to begin a BS news story. "Jeez, this is BS," he said with frustration and finally gave up. Suddenly his super hearing kicked in. "Help! Help! I ran out of fresh undies! Superman!"|
|| "Clark!" Lois shot off her rubberband gun hidden in her desk that snapped Clark back to attention. "Ow, I'm tender," he rubbed his groin. "Clark," Lois said, "Perry just said we can leave early. There's been some kind of huge riot in town."|
|the never-ending plot
|| "What? A riot, but isn't that Jimmy's job, going out there?" clark wondered, as he went after Lois who skipped for the door. "Clarky," she smiledbatted her eyes, "it's TRading FAces day. You know, where we all trade roles?"|
|sitting too long reading this outrageous
|| From his secret hiding place Lex watchd as Pinky trotted with the mouthful of stolen fresh underwear from the laundrymat. "Excellent.Why do villains always have to say that stupid word anyway?" LEx mujttered as he took the soggy undies from Pinky's mouth and stuffed them into his black breifcase. "Now the real fun begins."|
|| JImmy shot off photos as the people gathered in the middle of town, suddenly becoming angry at one another. Clark arrived with Lois only to find the crowd's mood totally changing as they began to sing.|
|yawning with amusement
|| "Follow the little pink goat. Follow the little pink goat!" they skipped in unison and Clark found himself falling into the trance as the pink goat led the wayup the street.|
|really falling asleep here!
|| Clark tried to resist the urge to break away from the trance as Lois giddily clapped and moved to their version of follow the Yellow Brick Road. Then, a call for help!|
|| "Superman! Hurry! I'm locked out of the bathroom and I gotta go bad!"|
|laughing too hard
|| IN a flash the trance was broken for Clark and he sped away at top speed, throwing on his tighty-whities and cheap rdred cape. He flew high over the polluted city till he traced the cry for help, and flew right for Lex!|
|| "OH, jeez, Lex," Clark grumbled as he sailed right into the cardboard door LEx had set up in the alleyway. "I ripped my cape!" Clark pouted. "It was on sale at the Halloween store, you know."|
|laughing even more!
|| "OH, comeon, now Superman. WE all know you want to be the bigf hero of this plotless story. But not this time," Lex cackeld. "This time I'm the star!"|
|I really got to sleep!
|| LEx petted Pinky affectionately with his big toe. "Pinky here is my latest creation. IT means I'll have utter control of every person's minds in the whole world! Wa-wa-wa!"|
|one more time
|| "NEver in the name of Akai Rice!"Superman raged, and his punch stopped midway. His mind grew confused. calm. "Superman," LEx sneered, "WElcome to my team. You're my new henchman! to carry out my orders through the power of Pinky!"|
|| LEx cackeld loudly as Clark felt a new force come over him. He was walking, following Lex against his own will! Pinky had control of his mind!
the plot thickens "The exileration of Superman's power! all mine!" Lex went on as goat, Clar, and Lex got into a mysterious blak limo and drove to the end of the city to LEx's hide-out.|
|| Meanwhile, back in the city square, everyone was back to their normal selves. Jimmy's camera battery died so he never did get much of a scoop, which enraged Perry so much he made them all go home for the day.|
|| When Lois got to her apartment, and sat down to eat
another cheap TV dinner while watching another rerun of|
|still not finished
|| the Power PUff Girls, ominous theme music rose up from the couch. (Lois, that's your cue!)|
|| "OH, jeez, here comes that stupid shark again." (NO! REAd the script and act all scared!) "Oops. OH, no! whose there?" Lois looked frantically around her living room.|
|getting better and better
|| Under the carpet. In the couch cushions. Behind the TV. She found no one. Someone was watching her, that she knew. Crash! The window exploded!|
|| Two muscular guys in black ninja outfits knockd out Lois, bound and gagged her and rolled her in a purple carpet before throwing her body in the trunk of their van. Then they sped off for Lex's hide-out.|
|| Clark lay dazed in the darkness of the stale-smelling jroom. Jeez, it smelled like sweaty gym socks, he thought, as he struggled to sit up. Where was he?|
|| Something large and furry was scampering over his blue tights. A rat! "Yeah, what's with people and discrimination with rats?" the red-eyed rodent asked, seeming to pick up on clark's phobia of rats.Clark leapt off the cot he was on and shot up so fast that he flew straight up through the cieling!|
|this is great
|| Lois, bound and gagged but no longer in the carpet, lay under the watchful gaze of Lex just as the floor exploded! Clark came soaring up, tearing a huge Clark-shaped hole in the floor.|
|| Lex's eyes slitted. "Pooperman, do you know how expenseive flooring was--ahem--" LEx turned to a terrified Lois, "Do you know what I can do to her? Hmmm? Hmmm? A lot!" that|
|| "Yeah, yeah. You've been saying that for--" Clark counted on his fingers, "fifty years or so since my comic book debut," then he went into action. HE threw a punch at Lex--but it was clocked!|
|just gotta finish
|| Lex smirked and did a little Irish jig around Clark. "Did I just hear a bag pipe?" Clark looked around to see Lois snorting. Lex smirkd, "Forcefield, Clarky boy. My latest invention under the genius mind who also produced Pinky!"|
|I wonder as I wander
|| Clark kissed his sore fist a few times.Clark wasted no more time. HE tackled Lois's ropes and snapped them in two within a flash. But then without any warning, he fell back on his butt, and popped his thumb into his mouth. Clark was sucking his thumb!|
|| LEx cackled--a word which here means is a really, really irritating laugh by a really lazy, stupid villain--as he watched Lois crawl on her knees like a baby, and saying to Clark, "Googoo gaga." The pink goat appeared from behind Lex. Clark had thought Lex hadn't put on any deodorant that morning but instead he was too busy thinking about...taking a nap.|
|| Suddenly, LEx's henchman came bursting into the room. "You rang, boss?" they asked in unison. They were siamese twins, if you don't please.|
|| "You idiots!" Lex fumed, "You're an hour late! We have more work to do!" Trembling, the henchmen replied, "Sorry, but we pulled our groin today." LEx|
|| considered this explanation and noddded with sympathy, a tear streaking down his face. "OHh, well, in that case--" the softy side of Lex replied but was cut off. "IT felt so good," continued the henchmen more cheerfully, "we pulled it again." With that, Lex threw them out the window.|
|| "virgin ears," Lex turned back to the infant version of Clark and Lois, "my adopted children won't be tainted with such dirty ideas," then his face darkened and the evil side emerged in place of his softy, once-understanding side, a side lost a long, long time ago, friends.|
|am I the only one writing this?
|| And so, Clark found himself under Pinky's control, and this time, Lex had a mission for him. One that could destroy the whole world...|
|| "Make them pay for all the years I was humiliated by Superman!" cried Lex as he unleashed Pinky out into the stormy dark night into the city. Meanwhile back on the commode, Clark realized he was alergic to Akai rice and had plugged up the toilet and would be delayed|
|| as the sudden shouts for help reached his super-human hearing. "One more flush," Clark flushed the toilet but it backed up and water flowed all over his new shiny boots. "Darn it! Wy do I always look like crap for celebrity photos!"|
|| AS Clark was in the bathroom, A crash of thunder overhead made her jumpas the power went out. IN total darkness she heard the distant voices of Lex's other captives cry for help. Could she find a way out? Could she rescue the captives as well?|
|| I meant as Lois was in the bathroom...someone rewrite this crazy script! Unless we're gender bending here?|
|| "Psst! Lois!"
"Who's that?" This was weird, the voice seemed to be coming from inside the roll of toilet paper.|
"I think maybe I can help you."
"A roll of toilet paper?"
"No, no. I'm inside a ham shack across the street..."
|| "Yes," replied the chiefly British voice, "IT's a|
|| "It's a nnew secret form of communication, highly advanced that Lex doesn't have an ioda about." Lois gaped with amazement. "CAn you get me outta here?"|
|| "Yeh, but first you gotaa save Superman!" dead air within the hollow cardboard roll followed then and then the banging on the door made Lois jump.|
|| Lois did a few karate chops through the wall and then found herself in LEx's secret office...she grabbed for the strange chunk of green cheese on his desk and then|
|| noticed the computer was on. She sat right down and had a look. Sure enough he had a file directory marked CLASSIFIED ULTRA SECRET FILES. Naturally it was passlocked, but Lois figured Lex's obsessions were the same as her own -- so the password has to be 'Superman', right?|
|| Wrong! She tried Kal-El, Krypton, what else is Lex obsessed with? Power? Money? Hair? No, it was LOIS. She congratulated herself on her ingenuity as she pulled out her thumbdrive, never thinking it might be a fake set up to get her attention?!|
|| She slid the thumb drive into the PC and was rewarded with the chipper little sound that thumb drives make. And then...And then....she saw what was in the file directory....And almost vomitted...|
|| Pr0n! It was pr0n. Horrible gooey globs of|
|| greasy grimy gopher guts. Mutilated monkey meat. Little toasted birdie... *Slaps self* No! It was gooey globs of Superman pr0n! And Lois was enjoying herself...Perhaps she was enjoying herself too much to notice...|
|John Carter of Mars
|| the attractive guy coming in from the next room, with the bit of toilet paper stuck to his shoe. In a pleasant British accent, he spoke: "Miss Lane? We spoke on the, er..."|
|| Geez. Is there an echo in here? Anyhow, it was pr0n all right. Dirty Debutant: Superman Edition. And all in avi files. For a minute Lois regretted having only a 512 meg thumb drive. But she'd bought it because it was pink.|
|| Lois wanted to tell him to bug off. He was going to interrupt her pr0n-watching.. But maybe this was important. Hastily she offloaded as much pr0n as she could onto the thumb drive and glanced up. "Yes?" she said, "We spoke on the um....er....Toilet paper tube. I'm just trying to get some of Lx's top secret erm.. She turned off the monitor...|
"Welll, you're lingering, girl," snapped Mr. Hamshack, "the world is about to fall into enemy hands as you sit there trashing your mind with--never mind," and then...boom!
|| A loud ruccus came from upstairs where Clark was presently wrestling with Pinky the goat to the death. Lex sat in his comfy recliner, puffing a cigar and sneering, "You man of tin foolishness. PInky is all bioorganic...yuo can't destroy him that way..."|
|the creative cat
|| "I know you're angry, Lex continued casually, "about Pinky embarrassing you tonight--but the fun's just begun."|
|| "OH, really?" fumed Clark, as Pinky trotted away for a piece of green cheese from Lex's hand, "You can't keep me here--not me, not Lois, notanyone!" he charged with a primal roar at LEx, who sudddenly vanished.|
|| PErplexed, Clark's fist rammed the empty air where Lex had been sitting and behind him LEx tapped Clark's shoulder. "Not so fast, eh?" jeered Lex, "my biological teleporting is fast, aint it?"|
|| Clark grabbed for LEx and got him around his puny shoulders, "Tell me your game, LEx. I"m sick of these stupid tricks you've been playing for all these paragraphs. Let's cut to the climax--when's the plot going to thicken like chocolate pudding for Smallville's sake?"|
|| Surprised, LEx gulped loudly and Pinky stopped chewing his moldy cheese. "The truth is...I love Lois."|
|| Clark's face turned red as his red cape from the Halloween store. "What?! All this time? Why didn't yuo just send her some flowers or chocolate cryptonites? And what's all this mind control scheming of yours--"|
|| Meanwhile, L0is was deep in conversation with Mr Hamshack. "He's got this mind control scheme," he told her. "Somehow it's all tied in with that pink goat." "That goat was so cute!" L0is said, "I knew it had to be something horrid." "Ah, you must have been raised on Disney," Hamshack replied.|
|| "I was!" said Lois, puffing out her cheeks to make herself look like a chipmunk, "Disney is god!"|
|| "No." Hamshack laughed, *Because that's what Lois called him in her pr0n-riddled brain, "Neil Young is god. Nobody is better than Neil."|
"That's not true!" snapped Lois, "Give me Neil Dia---" Hamshack slammed his hand over her mouth. "Don't say it!! The universe will emplode!"
|| There was a sudden noise as of galloping elephants, and a very large and adorable black kittycat came zooming into the room, grabbed the toilet roll and ran off with it. OMG! How will Mr. Hamshack communicate with his helpers now?|
|| "You see, Clarky-boy," continued Lex conversationally, "this was my only last unoriginal idea for the umphteenth time...can you calculate that?"|
|disorder out of chaos
|| "Yeah, just give me a sec. Look," Clark said after counting on his fingers, "let me give you a nickle's worth of advice, alright?|
|chaos out of disorder
|| "I don't want any advice--I want power! I want Lois! I want to have everyone obey me! Make me french fries!"|
|disorder out of chaos
|| Suddenly, Clark lost control of his actions. He found himself rushing towards the window where he smashed through it, and flew straight out into the open night air overthe polluted city..."smash things! Throw cars!" thought Clark against his will|
|| Back in the lower floor, Lois found a secret doorway to a maze within the thick wall. She moved through the darkness, wondering if there was an escape route.|
|| The maze took Lois out to a steel door, where a DNA analyzer touch-pad was in place of a doorknob. Luckily she had found a wad of Lex's chewed up gum sticking to a door, so she pressed that against the analyzer lense,where it analyzed Lex's saliva. The door slid open with a hiss.|
|| On the other side of the door was a short hallway leading out to an exit. Not wasting another minute, Loissprang to the door, this time only having to push aginst aainst it where it swung open into the smoggy night air.|
|| "I'm free," she thought, and ran with arms spread wide like in the nun in the Sound of Music as she hurried through the shadows behind the old building. Where it was located she wasn't sure, but she had to find Clark.|
|| From the distance Lois caught the distinct sound of clattering hooves over the pavement. It was Pinky the mind-controlling goat, who stopped with a demonic look in its button eyes as they faced off one another. Who would make the first move?|
|| Lois knew of Pinky's power, and knew she'd have to outwit him in order to defeat him once and for all. She thought about her early college days where she'd mastered in hypnosis, just for the fun of it.|
|| It was Lois who did--looking up with surprise as something red and blue came streaking towards her at a blurring speed.|
|| "Superman!" she cried, but stopped with horror as he stared with unseeing eyes at her. "Smash things! Destroy!" he roared, pounding his steely chest as he picked up Pinky and...|
|| Flash! Jimmy took a picture! "Jimmy?" Lois whirled around to see Jimy Olson snapping photos as Superman wrestled PInky to the ground...|
|| Superman's eyes blazed orange with rage as he whirled on Jimmy, who snapped another photo. "Jimmy, what are you doing out here? IT's not safe," Lois cried, pushing Jimmy away as Superman flung a huge dumpster over their heads.|
|| "Getting extra points from the boss," Jimmy explained lamely, "exposing the truth," and he turned and flashed another picture just as Superman grabbed Pinky with a savage roar...|
|| Wham! Whack! boom! Pinky blew up in a cloud of thick pink dust as he was
smashed into the side of the building...and suddenly, the raging glow faded from Superman's eyes and he stared dumbly at Lois and a fascinated Jimmy.|
|getting better all the time...uh-huh ||"What just happened here?" Superman asked as gunshots rang out from the rooftop. "Guards--coming this way!" Jimmy cried with excited hysteria as a surge of uniformed men rounded the corner.|
|| Lois screamed as a series of bullets whizzzed through the air, hitting Superman who shielded Jimmy and Lois. "Now who would have thought of such a maneuver," Lex's sneering voice came from behind.|
|| "Run," whispered Superman to Jimmy and Lois, who dashed for cover behind a life-sized Tonka truck, or what looked like one. "Cease fire, you idiots!" commanded Lex as more bullets rained around him and made holes in Superman's cheap Halloween cape.|
|| The guards off to one side, weapons poised, Lex slyly stepped in front of Superman, who glared darkly down at him. "so you killed my greatest invention," began Lex with little emotion, "you must be proud of yourself, hmmm?"|
"You let them go free," Superman demanded, looking back at the warehouse where many were trapped, "you're nothing without your precious little pink goat."
|munchy crunchy coo
|| Realizing he could fly, Superman snatched Lex up into his arms and lifted up off the ground, high over the city. A shriek of horror from Lex echoed down on the astonished guards as Superman hovered over the warehouse rooftop.|
|this sad, sad story
|| "We'll make a deal--I promise, I'll let them all go home," Lex squeaked,a wicked glint in his eye. "You'll take me to everyone of them and free them, or else," Superman let Lex dangle in the air by his arms.|
"Of course--I will," and then they descended into the secret firehatch on the roof.
|| where the big black kitty sat waiting for them, still holding the toilet roll in its mouth.|
|| Back in the warehouse, Lex withdrew a raygun and shot...cryptonite energy beams at Superman...|
|| Blinded and weakend, Superman cruppled to the floor. Then the black cat from the shadows sprang onto Lex's back, teeth sinking deeply into the bakc of Lex's neck.|
|| "Aaaahh!" Lex screamed, letting the gun clatter to the floor, "Get off, you furball fool!"
"NOt until you reveal to Superman and the othres your real reason for creating Pinky and your other abominations!" hissed the cat.|
|| "I told him already--how much more does this plot need?" growled Lex, picking a dangling booger from his nose.|
"Could you not do that in...front of me..." gasped the weakened Superman, who who shook as he slowly regained his strength.
"Sorry," Lex blushed, "it was really bugging me."
|| "Ahem--" the cat dug his claws more into Lex, who Squawked in pain. "Alright! Pinky is really a person--and so is this ctcat and the otherw othres below."|
"Below? Where? Show me," Superman leapt to his feet, facing off with Lex.
|| The cat slinked beside Superman as Lex timitdly led the way towards an elevator and then descended far below...below...below...below....|
|| Meanwhile, back at the ranch and parking lot where cow patties--I mean potholes abound--Lois and Jimmy headed towards the warehouse. "We're missing all the action!" Jimmy cried trying to stick more batteries intgointo his camrea, "The Daily Planet has to put this on the front page!"|
|| Lex, Supie and the big black kitty finally reached the bottom of the steps. It was dark, dank, and smelled awful. Rather like Akai rice, really...|
|| The horrible smell was the rotting flesh of a zombie octopus. Which lunged at Lex, and..|
|| "Pheeeeew!" gasped Superman, "Someone needs to change that Glade plug-in! It smells like Akai Rice and kitty litter down here!"|
"Oh shuttup you!" snarled Lex, I don't have to change anything! This is my Blacke Drippye Dungeon of Blargh and it's just the way I like it! I have a surprise for you Pooperman!"
|| Lex hadn't noticed the giant zombie octopus... After all zombie octopi can move very quietly. But then...Just as he was about to reveal his horrible plan for what he was going to do with Pooperman...The octopus attacked!|
With a roar of BRAIIIIINZ!!!! it charged Lex...The dungeon shook....
|| The octopus moved off, satisfied, and Lex rose unsteadily from the floor.|
"I understand now," he said slowly. "Sarah Palin would be a GREAT president!"
|| And now for a nice commercial from Glade... Actually the browser won't cooperate. What's a browser you ask? Well that'll be revealed in our next story.|
|| "You see," said Lex, regaining his composure although somewhat minus his braiiiinz, "We're going to walk over to my biiig computer over there...We're going to log into Livejournal...And you're going to tell all of Metropolis that you are Superman..That's right. I know you have a LiveJournal. After all, you have to complain about Perry White somewhere! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! *Cough cough wheeze cough*|
|| "But I don't have a LiveJournal," objected Clark in terror, I have facebook. Don't you see? No LiveJournal! So I can't log in!"|
|| "I'll make you an account," sneered Lex, heading for the livejournal homepage, "Because I'm sick of you being ale able to just whip off those doofy glasses of yours and fool everyone in thinking you're someone else."|
|| "So, I can reveal all your plans with Pinky and your brain?" with one swfit wift movement, Superman was restling Lex to the ground. "Now, Jimmy! Now!" Superman cried into the micromic hidden under his clothes.|
|| From his palm pilot, Jimmy uploaded all the shaky photos of Pinky and Lex and Pinky and Lex and Pinky and Lex...right to the president's inbox.|
|the plot thickens like...
||"What's your real reason, Lex?" Superman held Lex by the throat. Lex's eyes lit in terror then a wicked look came into his eyes. "The same thing I always want--power! all my captives have lost their minds...because they were tied to Pinky."|
|the plot thickens like...
|| "What's your real reason, Lex?" Superman held Lex by the throat. Lex's eyes lit in terror then a wicked look came into his eyes. "The same thing I always want--power! all my captives have lost their minds...because they were tied to Pinky."|
|| Confused, Superman loosened his grip on Lex. "But I haven't lost my mind."|
"Not yet--since you're not quite human," sneered Lex, "but wait about three more seconds."
|| "What was that!" Jimmy cried, hearing a crazybomb go off in the basement below. Lois stood, and froze as crazy captives came into the hallway ahead of them.|
|and it goes on and on and on... ||The entire city awakened to the crazybomb's blast that shook their beds, their heads and anyone with a dog named, Fred! It just so happend that Governor Ratsmasher had a dog named Fred who barked frantically at the window. Ratsmasher heaved off his blankets with a revelation gleaming in his sandy eyes.|
|| He went to the window and peered out at the dark, dark sky that made bananas fall from their trees on some remote island it was so frightningly dark out. "Curse these sleepshades of mine! The moment has come when evil will be avenged!"|
|| This pot pipe, you mean? Thhhhp.|
|| Perhaps that was the reason it was so dark outside...Or perhaps
it was because he was EVIL!!! EVILLY EVIL!!!|
|| Governor Rat-Smasher had a twitchy little nose and whiskers. Kind of looked like a mouse himself. But let's face it. Mouse-Smasher doesn't have near so good a ring to it as Rat-Smasher.|
|| Meanwhile, in the White House, Pres. Obama was starting another work day. Having gotten an amazing 3 hours' sleep (that's a world record) he had some coffee, then got on the treadmill for 20 minutes while checking his blackberry that they finally had to let him have. What he found in his email made him fall right off the thing.....|
|| "OMG!" he yelled from the floor where he'd fallen, "What did they mean by that. The budget deficit has been solved by a bunch of plurals and a trained goat named Pinky." He stormed to his office to see who the h3ll had sent that email.|
|| When Pres. Obama got to his office he logged in on his computer (he's cool, so he has an Apple, like his friend Neil Young) and found all the uploaded pictures of Pinky and Lex. He called Press Sec Robert Gibbs in. "Get Lex Luthor in here. And Olsen, too -- he knows more than he's telling."|