Astraea's Infamous Add-On Story

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This paragraph is by Jordan

Once upon a time in a land not very far from here ...

This paragraph is by Jade Tadeus
     misty silver twilight was settling over the valley as they crept into the graveyard... No, wait... that's another story.

Re-setting the inter-dimensional story receiver/ translator... (various *beeps* *bloops* and *squawks* are heard).

Right, so as it were, then, three gay guys were walking down the street, headed for the local entertainment establishment, when they chanced to see a frog drumming on the side of the road.

This paragraph is by Jordan

     they threw him some money and he said "are you going to that boring old entertainment establishment?" And they said, "Yeah, that's where all the Beer is." And he said, "I know where you can get something better..."

This paragraph is by Ford
     The first of the three cocked up one of his eyebrows. "Better than Beer?" You could hear the capital 'B' in Beer as he spoke. It was obvious that beer (Beer) was the ultimate in their lives.

This paragraph is by Mela
     hahahaha that's the new New Age product, like "Better Than Milk" and "Better than Hamburger," it's "Better Than Beer!"

only there's no such thing, so onward.

So the frog says, "noooo, this is GOOD beer. GOOOOD BEEER. GOOOOD BEEER." And mesmerized by that, they followed him down the trail that led off the road and into the....

This paragraph is by jackie
     back alley way that was lined with garbage. Flies buzzed over the sacks of rubbage and with a quick flick of the frog's tongue he caught three of them. The three guys looked at one another. "So," said the middle guy, "how much further to the GOOOOOOD BEEEER?" The frog declined to answer; he just turned his head in the middle guy's direction and sneered (as only evil frogs can do).
This paragraph is by Azure
     private brewery. Frog & Toad brewers infact. Inside it was amazing!!! There were huge vats of beer, every type know to man (and a few women), plus some special brews. It was to one of these special vats that the frog took the three mesmarized men. He was so excited his little frog leggs would not hold still. He took them to the edge of the vat and .....
This paragraph is by Ford
     "Guess what?" said the Frog, "You've just been split pandimensionally so that you exist in two places at once! Half of you is in the most incredible brewery in the world ready to enjoy the Beer of your life, and the other half of you are standing in a dangerous back alley with my evil pandimensional twin!" The frog in the back alley simply said, "Bwah-hah-hah-hah!" evilly, with no explaination.
This paragraph is by I'm not sure
      Guy # 1, whose name is Andrew, says "So where are we going anyway, frog?" "Right down here, see that door, go in and you will have the best beer of your life." "Sure, we will see," he says, as he enters the bar.
This paragraph is by anonymous
     (he does not see the evil frog smiling sinisterly behind them as they walk in).... (flash back to the three original men in the brewery....
This paragraph is by Suzie
     The three men were stunned. The third guy looked over to the first guy and asked, "What does 'pandimensionally' mean?" The first guy looked back and said, "I don't know, but it sure doesn't sound good." The middle guy was busy staring at all the beer, "What's it matter anyhow, guys? Just LOOK at this place!!"
This paragraph is by John Shao (Crazy and also gay)
     (Oooh I love it jason the drum frog has an evil twin HAHAHAHAHA) Alright, well anyway. To make things even more complicated, remember these are three gay guys? Well, the pandimensional split did something weird, so now there are three gay guys and three straight guys. What orientation the frog(s) are is up to you. ... Meanwhile, back on the side of the road where this all started... What the frog didn't know was that there was a WITNESS to his strange crime. Yes, dauntless reporter Molly Malloy had been on her way to investigate this mysterious report of a pandimensional beer factory, and she saw the whole thing! (One of these days we'll get the Molly stories up on line for you guys to read)
This paragraph is by Ford
     Molly Malloy walked up to the three gay guys in the alley and held up a microphone boldly. "Hello. I'm Molly Malloy reporting on the Pan-Dimensional Gender-Bender Beer Frog story on the scene, and with me are three homosexuals and a frog." She turned to the frog. "Tell me, Mr. Frog. What is your sexual orientation?"
This paragraph is by Jess
     and the frog looked very embarrassed and had a big embarrassed smile. "Face the camera, please" Molly said. "i'm not at liberty to disclose that at this time, you'll have to talk to my ATTORNEY!" the frog said looking like he thought he said something brilliantly clever -- but unfortunately his attorney turned out to be ... (soaked in beer probably)
This paragraph is by jackie
     no one. For Mr. Frog had forgotten that his last attorney (Mr. Zulf -- the last in the phone book) left him for the fly that Mr. Frog supposedly "tried to eat." Molly Malloy looked the frog over suspiciously, "Come now, Mr. Frog, indulge me: What is your sexual orientation?" She pushed the microphone closer to his face and stuck out her lower lip out in -- what she thought was -- an innocent way.
This paragraph is by Keith Furey (with contributions from Romy)
     Suddenly, a green car screetched to a halt at the end of the alley. The trunk popped open, and from the passenger side emerged a short, extremely pregnant woman, looking very indignant.

From the trunk of the car she grabbed two white-boards, fastened together with straps so they could be worn sandwich-board style. She inscribed upon them with a large blue marker "We protest! Unfair!"

"No fair!" she cried, donning the sandwich-board, "The three straight guys get the Good Beer with the nice Frog, while the three gay guys get the demeaning interview in an alley with the evil Frog, and NO BEER! On behalf of my gay brother and gay friends, I PROTEST!! Good frog and equal Beer for those of all sexual orientations! I demand a reverse-pan-dimensional shift!"

She stopped suddenly with a panicked look, dropped the sandwich board, and hopped back in the car. As it roared away, she was heard wailing "To the nearest bathroom!! They're dancing on my bladder!"

All was quiet until someone noticed that during this strange diversion...

This paragraph is by On the scene at the Frog&Toad Brewery, we're John Shao and jason greenwillow for Eyewitless News
     the frog's REAL attorney had arrived in all his sweeping magnificence. That's right, it's Terence Underhill himself, incredibly wealthy, sexy, and brilliantly clever. Rumor had it that he was planning to run for State (of confusion) Senator and that he had even bigger plans, but he wouldn't talk about any of this. As usual, he was accompanied by a horde of TV and radio newscrews and Molly stuck out her tongue at them (ha ha I was here first). He walked past the cameras and all the flashing lightbulbs going off and everything, followed closely by his apostle slave paralegal, a harrassed-looking young Irishman in a black raincoat, carrying a sh*tload of books and briefcases and other legalistic paraphernalia...
This paragraph is by Larry the Harmonica Player
     Meanwhile, back at the brewery... The three straight guys were getting loaded. The beer was the best they had ever drank. They stood around sighing, saying how great it would be if they had a football game to watch while they drank, when suddenly a television, couch and fazzled stereotypical housewife appeared in front of them. Their newfound friend, the frog, sat on the couch, and ordered the woman to get him some nachos.
This paragraph is by Faith Christophe
     Get YOUR OWN nachos you ANIMAL!!!!! she swept at him with a broom, Women will NOT be subservient to you MALE CHAUVINIST FROGS!! as he jumped out of the way and landed right in the beer. We should never have allowed her access to the internet, one of the guys said, she's had her consciousness raised DAMN RIGHT she said, so you can make your OWN pizza! ... OOoooohh, they looked at each other. Hey, that's not such a bad idea (as she stormed out throwing her apron in the air and singing "sisters do it for themselves") let's make PIZZA!!! and they had some more beer while they were at it, because beer makes everything better.
This paragraph is by molly from the chimera
     Seven pizzas later, it suddenly occurred to them that none of them had actually gotten up to make pizzas lately. "Uh - guys?" said Guy #3 (whose name was Fred). "Where'd this pizza come from?" And at that, with the diabolical timing that can only come from really cheesy storylines, all three extremely drunk guys AND the frog (whose name was actually Nathan, and don't you call him Nate, or Natey) fell over. They awoke much, much, MUCH later to find.....
This paragraph is by Sharon
     ...that they weren't as straight as they first thought. Their bodies were a tangle of legs and arms on and around the couch and half eaten pizza. The frog looked horrified. "Oh no!" he said, "the dimensions are converging again! Do you see a group of reporters standing over there, or is it just me?"

"Burp," said one of the three.

This paragraph is by Jordan
     Fred took one look and rolled off the couch and started shaking the other two. "No, don't you get it? Wake up you idiots! If the dimensions converge we'll merge back into our other selves! That would be INTE... " gag retch snort barf he trailed off into incoherent garblings.
This paragraph is by John Shao
     On the other side of reality, Terence Underhill the incredibly snazzy lawyer was giving a PRESS CONFERENCE about....
This paragraph is by Larry
     Himself, and his own snazziness. It was a slow newsday. The only topics of interest were evil frogs and egotistical lawyers. Terence was just clearing his throat to make a statement about the dimensional rift allegedly caused by an evil frog (about which he knew nothing, but he could pretend, because he's so snazzy) when...
This paragraph is by Molly again
      Nahtan (Nathan's pandimensionally evil froggy twin) jumped up in front of the many fuzzy microphones. "Did you know that my name is a palindrome?" he asked with great excitement. "It's the same backwards as it is forwards."

"No, it's not" said Terence, who was really annoyed at being separated even by a frog's-breadth from that really fuzzy microphone (hell, everyone's got a fetish). "And there's no S at the end of 'forward' or 'backward'. What are you, stupid?"

"AAAGH!" cried Nahtan. "You have insulted me and by proxy every frog that exists in the multiverse, pandimensionally or otherwise! Wait till I tell my pandimensionally good froggy twin, Nathan!"

"What does 'pandimensionally' mean?" asked Terence.

"NOW who's stupid?" yelled Nahtan. "I shall destroy you! AAAAAAAAGH!!!" And with that, he leaped off of the (now slightly damp and flattened) fuzzy microphone STRAIGHT FOR TERENCE'S THROAT!

"But wait!" Terence cried dramatically. "I wasn't going to tell you this till after the commercial break - but you must know. I'm not really Terence Underhill, the incredibly sexy, wealthy, and generally snazzy lawyer. No! I'm REALLY....."

This paragraph is by Those who plead the fifth at the moment.
     "Whot are you going on about, Terence?" cried the harassed-looking paralegal. Raising one of his briefcases, he intercepted the frog. It ran full tilt into the battered leather before dropping with a small "urk" to the ground at Terence's feet.

"I've been following you all over the bloody-damn universe, and now, just to save yer own bloody neck, yer gonna start lyin' about who y'are?" The paralegal glared impressively.

Terence looked sheepish for a moment. (But of course he knew he looked incredibly sexy when looking sheepish, which only annoyed the paralegal more.)

"I qu --"

"No!" cried Terence. "Where am I going to find a replacement apostle slave paralegal?" Sparks of indignation gathered in Terence's hair.

"ooooo," said the frog, who was seeing stars anyway.

Molly Malloy, intrepid (and long-suffering) reporter, saw her moment. Raising her microphone again, she....

This paragraph is by molly (not malloy) from the chimera
     ...smashed it down onto Nahtan the frog's head, mashing him into quite an unpleasant pulp. "Ewwww!" yelled Terence. "That's gross!" "He was planning secretly to take over my job," Molly explained. "Hey, did you know there's a drink called 'frog in a blender'? It probably looks a lot like..." "Stop!" Terence yelled. "That frog was my BROTHER!!!" "Really?" said Molly. "What a strange family you must have. That sounds like a perfect scandal for tonight's news!" "Ahem!" ahemed Terence's apostle slave paralegal. "Haven't you both forgotten something?" "Oh!" cried Molly Malloy. "That's right! How could I have forgotten that...."
This paragraph is by Larry of the Army
     "...that today is Annual Kindness to Froggies Day?" Everyone stopped and stared at Molly Malloy for a brief second, before saying in unison, "Froggies???" "Yes, and shut up. That's the actual name of the holiday. We can't harm this frog, even if he is evil... certainly not on national television." The three guys who had been in the alley all this time stood there looking confused. One of them finally said to another, "I can't follow this at all. I haven't a clue what the hell is going on."
This paragraph is by Fran
     Ignoring the remarks about his strange family, Terence was about to go into another one of his impressive speeches when the pregnant girl showed up again and said "This isn't fair either! Stop harrassing my incredibly amazing brother!" She addressed the paralegal sternly. "And if YOU would stop mucking about with REALITY, maybe the pandimensional timelines would resolve for themselves, this isn't the MATRIX you know!" The paralegal blushed a becoming shade of.... lavender.... heehee
This paragraph is by Tavam
     (and just because every story needs one....)

A chibi tugged on the paralegal's pantleg, blinking up at him with large, round, chibi eyes.

Handing the bemused paralegal a stick of rainbow colored rock candy, the chibi giggled and vanished in a puff of rainbow smoke.

Terence was, of course, the first to recover. "What on earth are you going to do with that?" he demanded, pointing to the stick of rock candy.

The paralegal grinned smugly. "Fix the pandimensional split, of course."

"With that?" Molly asked incredulously.

Terence looked put out.

"Of course! It's.... "

This paragraph is by Jeff & Jordan
     not really rock candy of course... it's the focus of an energy matrix from a world so bizarre, so unconventional, so nebulous, that only a chosen few have ever even begun to comprehend it..."

Molly tilted her head. "We're not talking about Planet Hollywood, are we?"

"Your limited intellect isn't capable of grasping what's about to happen," Terence announced pompously.

"Oh, put a sock in it," the paralegal said, "& get on with the mission before we bomb it completely."

. o O ( it's going to explode? )

"WHAT mission??" Malloy demanded. But just then...

This paragraph is by Andy Temple, Exhausted Paralegal studying for exams
     on an incomprehensibly snazzy planet in the 8th Dimension, where ALL the frogs were gay and reproduced by parameci... parathesi... uh... Parthenogenesis, that's it! "Shriekback nemesis, parthenogenesis, everybody dancing as the dead come home." God, it's been ages since I've heard that. I should go download that on Napster before it (Napster) explodes and retreats into vacuum from whence it came. It can't last forever with those bloody damned attorneys trying to corner the music market and grabbing all our gusto (OUCH!) in the process. Tenants in common, after all, do not have to have equal shares in the property, but joint tenants do, and they can't leave it to their relatives in their will, so does this mean Gabe gets to eat all the ice cream? Will he one day be the proud owner of a fee simple absolute? oh man, I sure hope so Hi there ;) Will I remember the difference between dower and curtesy? (You're going to curtsey to the dowager?) (No silly.) 6:14 a.m. Sunday, 24/9/2000 and I am going to bed.
This paragraph is by Johnny
     Hey wake up in here, watsamatter, everybody watching the Olympics?!?!?!?!
This paragraph is by Sharon
     I think the story is fading into... another dimension, or something. Haven't known what to write for a month now.
This paragraph is by Johnny
     OK, do we want to start a new one?
This paragraph is by chimera
     i suggest killing everyone off. with a meteor or something. yeah, a meteor. and everyone dies. but a single living cell survives the destruction and through hard work, determination, and being polite to its elders (who are, of course, dead), it manages to scrape and save and turn itself into our next story...
This paragraph is by chimera
     i suggest killing everyone off. with a meteor or something. yeah, a meteor. and everyone dies. but a single living cell survives the destruction and through hard work, determination, and being polite to its elders (who are, of course, dead), it manages to scrape and save and turn itself into our next story...
This paragraph is by chimera
     i suggest killing everyone off. with a meteor or something. yeah, a meteor. and everyone dies. but a single living cell survives the destruction and through hard work, determination, and being polite to its elders (who are, of course, dead), it manages to scrape and save and turn itself into our next story...
This paragraph is by chimera
     oh, i seem to have inadvertently tripled the universe. sorry!
This paragraph is by Jordan
     Oh yeah like at the end of our Star Trek story where the ship blows up and the universe rearranges itself to tell the next story which is a Lois and Clark satire. We could do that. but that lone cell that dragged itself off turned out to be...
This paragraph is by Davey Maddison
     (hrm... not keen on meteors. can we backtrack?? oh hell, I will anyway. *grin*)

Composing himself to seriousness, the paralegal raised the rock candy and very delicately, very carefully... licked it.

*POP* went the universe.

And there was one frog, with a drum, at his feet.

*Lick, lick, lick* *POP POP POP*
And there were three gay guys, standing in a half-circle, smiling bemusedly as their brain chemistry rebalanced into a whole.

"Well, that's that then," Terence grumbled, put out at losing the spotlight entirely.

But the much-put-upon paralegal was too entranced by the taste of the rock candy, which sparkled in fascinating colors on his tongue and did strange and amazing things to his brain. (Better than kojmin? ha? well, only the paralegal knows the answer to that one.)

So mesmerized was he, that he continued licking and nibbling at the candy until...


Welcome to the Alley at the End of the Universe. So Long and Thanks for all the Rock Candy. The Universe has Imploded.

But there was still that one lone cell....

This paragraph is by Andy Temple
     Terence Underhill, cleverly transmogrified - (I still wonder if Elzie Segar invented that word) .... determined to have the last word and an adventure of his own.
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