Multi-Specific Abuse: You Are Not Alone
Rogan is a member of L.B. Lee's system. You can reach them at L.B. Lee's Home at healthymultiplicity.com. Have you been conned or manipulated by a cult -- or a cult-like individual? Have you read If This Has Happened To You? Here, Rogan specifically talks about people who have fallen victim to abusers because they have multiple personalities. Others have been abused by someone who has multiple personalities -- or claims to have them. Emotional abuse, mind control, malignant narcissism, religious cults and non-religious cults, it has happened to many. You are not stupid, and you are not alone.
* Multiple Personality and "Secret-Bearer" Blackmail
* Divide & Conquer
* Responsibility: You Are Not Their Therapist
* Question Authority
Lately, I’ve been reading some really good things on the specifics of abuse regarding LGBT people, where abusers take advantage of someone’s LGBT status (be it their victim’s or their own) as a tool to help them abuse. This has gotten me thinking about abusive systems I’ve known in the past, and so I’m going to talk about how people can use multi as a tool of abuse—on both perp and vic side.
Baker Act you, or using your fear as a way to isolate you—“you can trust ME with your secret, but no one else, they wouldn’t understand… and don’t get therapy! They won’t believe you!”
Be very leery of any relationship where you’re encouraged ONLY to be openly multiple in their presence! This is related to that Secret-Bearer thing I mentioned [tldr; A "secret-bearer" is: If someone knows a deeply important secret about you, it binds you emotionally to that person and they can blackmail you]. If only they know you’re multiple, that can lead to an extremely intense, codependant relationship. (And god help you if you’re BOTH closeted multiples, so are hugely invested in continuing your relationship at all costs! I’ve seen this happen too.) This is a ripe environment for abuse to break out, because the isolation is already there. If you can only be open with each other, then that means you will put up with more bullshit than you would if you had other friends to be out to. Avoid these relationships! Do not get sucked into these mutual Secret-Bearer relationships where nobody else can know!
We had one of these really intense Secret-Bearer relationships with another closeted system, back in the day. They never overtly threatened, but they kept mentioning how many people just magically knew we were multi and wanted to report us to the Men In White Coats. They kept insisting that it was just because we were so OBVIOUS, and it was only their intervention that saved us from a padded cell. (Oddly enough, this only ever happened around them! Hmmm…) Even fishier, the people who invariably found out about us were the people this system would later come out to.
Guys, never out another system to make your own coming out easier. That’s not only a douchey move, but also can endanger someone. We had to rig up some safety procedures just in case those hypothetical Men In White Coats appeared on our doorstep.
Distrust anyone who seems to make your system functioning WORSE. If you find yourself dissociating more around someone, having more memory problems, or having more in-system conflict, that is a huge red flag.
These are just a few multi-specific abuse scenarios I’ve mentioned here. I’m sure you guys have plenty of your own.
—RoganRogan is a member of L.B. Lee's system. You can reach them at L.B. Lee's Home at healthymultiplicity.com.
If this has happened to you, read If This Has Happened To You.
Cult Education: The Rick Ross Archive Ross keeps track not only of groups of all kinds that have been described as cults, but there is a huge section on abusive/controlling relationships, including many more books that might help. Ross worked with Margaret Singer, Ph.D., the woman who wrote to me confirming that there is such a thing as a "cult of one person".
Here's a checklist for types of controlling behavior. See if your friend, or group, fits all or some of this description.
Emotional Abuse in Dating Relationships How to identify it, deal with it, and leave. This is not just good advice for dating/romantic relationships, but for any relationship.
How To Keep Someone With You Forever The creation of "sick systems". We have definitely, absolutely been here. Someone on KOS has written an analysis of the "Christian Right" as a sick system. The following are suggested as tools for testing arguments and detecting fallacious or fraudulent arguments:
The following are suggested as tools for testing arguments and detecting fallacious or fraudulent arguments: